I am learning about grief. I was just thinking about this actually, like the exact thing. I am posting in a few about it but my mother died yesterday. I don't say it to garner pity or understanding, it is simply a fact that has happened. I am coping, I think. But... I feel nothing. Is that grief? The fact that I am numb, not losing my shit or crying. It's just nothing.
Because of the numbness, it doesn't feel like grief. Then I keep reading about people or memes saying that grief comes from love. Intense grief is simply intense love. I loved my mother, in fact, she defined me more than anyone else. I don't know. I haven't had a lot of death in my life, so maybe I am just not sure how to be???
I don't know - just some ramblings... I will go back and finish up my posts and leave the ramblings there. For some reason though, your post made me feel better.
So thank you for that.
I am not ignoring this. My reply will be after my radio show tonight. I'm sorry. I lost my mother this past December. More to come, because I have more to say and I am not going to rush this one...
Oh Rum, I'm so sorry. <3 Losing a parent is sooo hard. I am overdue to write a post on grief; it's been coming up so much for the MSP folks as I've seen. The process for grief is to let yourself sink into it. Listen to your body, listen to your heart, and don't be afraid of submerging in it. But as for what it looks like? It's completely personal. Everyone does it differently. Do you have other family or friends supporting you?
@rumdancer
My mother died in December. I am sharing that so you know how recently I too experienced this loss.
I said I had a lot more to say but I actually don't, as it turns out. And It turns out @uniwhisp beat me to my own response, more or less, but while she has said it already, I'm going to reinforce it in my own way.
When my Dad died in 2002, and when my mother died in December of last year, similar things happened for me. My dad had a long brain cancer battle over the course of a year, my mom, had a fairly sudden age related health event take her in just a few days.
In both cases, I found, I was not consumed by a "show stopping" kind of grief. I was merely sad, and reflective. And I wouldn't call it numb, but many would maybe.
There were jokes cracked with my sister at the cemetery with the lady in charge of the funeral and burial. There were moments of remembrance and hilarity.
Why does this matter? It doesn't specifically. The answer isn't in the anecdotes.
It's in that it's okay to feel or not feel whatever you do feel. There is no judgement. There is no fake sympathy manufactured to make me feel like I'm saying the right thing.
There is only you. 6 months later, you will still have only your own judgement of how you act or feel. No one else matters now, and no one else will remember later.
You are not alone. I barely know you, but you made me tell you my life story. Part of it anyway. I'm your weird, online, virtual friend with a heart. There's room in it for you if you want to talk to a pragmatic soul who won't have a dog in your race, other than a shoulder for your face.
I'm on discord if you need that. Otherwise. Take one step and one breath at a time, surprisingly just like any other day, and hold your memories of your mother in your own heart always. They will guide you, like none of us can.
<3