My Last Suicide Attempt! (Part One) Original Art By Kaylin
Last minute I decided to enter in holoz0r Art contest as a tribute to @Lauralemons
The Theme was darkness.
The first thing that came to mind when I thought of this theme. Is my personal struggle with being suicidal back in the day. And how the last time I tried to kill myself, (obviously failing) Scared me so much, That I didn't want to do it ever again.
When the blindness set in, from the massive overdose of allergy medicine I took. The feeling was horrible. And I realized that as I was occasionally going in and out of consciousness. That there was a chance that I may never wake up. That this was something self-inflicted. And I wanted to take it back so much. For a split moment, the whole thing seemed like a great idea. I thought for sure that taking every pill from the massive bottle would be a for-sure done deal that I would die.
I didn't cut myself that day as a way to die. That's why the cuts are horizontal. But it was my constant addiction. The one thing I went to when I was dealing with anger, Stress, Or an unbearable sadness.
Cutting myself somehow made me feel better.
I felt stronger.
I was afraid to post this
Here you guys see my blogs, I'm usually upbeat and positive. I rarely talk about some of the darkest moments of my life. But oddly my art style is very dark. I love to rip those dark feelings from my body and put them on canvas for all to see.
This dark place is where I came from, to become the person I am today.
The Themes Behind the Painting
I will go into vivid detail on what each element of my painting represents. Because everything is placed there for a reason.
Here are some beginning stages of the painting.
This was done with Acrylic Paint on Canvas board
Outline
Adding Black to The background
Adding Detail To The face
Working The eyes
Fixing the Lips
Adding The Pills
Being positive and upbeat doesn't always mean someone is/has been happy. 10 years with on and off depression, let downs throughout life and emotionally tormenting myself as a dark way to feel better has taught me this.
Sorry to hear you went through so a tough time back then :(
The painting shows all the emotion and pain that you are expressing from what has been in your life and it helps show people that not everyone gets to experience a great life, or go through it swimmingly!
I sure hope it is a lot different now and you really are getting much happier and feeling better about life like I am! :)
Don't be afraid to post such things. Thank you so much for your genuine and heart felt entry.
For those that still want to participate in my competition, you can read more about it here. There's still 48 hours left to enter.
Such a great post. Your an incredible artist! I absolutely love your work. It's also incredibly brave of you to speak out on such a hard topic. I have suffered from severe depression for a long time, i have tried different medication and therapy. But what helps me the most is reading things like this, from someone who truly knows what real despair feels like and how sometimes it feels like there is only one solution. Things get better for sure, but in the depths of a depressive cycle it can be so hard to find the light again. Thank you for posting this, you are honestly really helping people who can relate to those feelings. And like i said before, absolutely great art!
OMG XD
You're welcome; again 😂😂
LOL XD She's flapping her jacket XD
I love your art. Sorry to hear about your past. Do you still feel like this?
Thank you :) No I don't! I am doing much better now, and I've found better ways to cope :)
That's good to hear. I wish you all the best and that you never feel this way anymore.
Fantastic piece of art, showing how you made it is a great bonus.
But let me mention something more serious.
Any post about suicide is quite disturbing, and as seen in the comments, sets off a discussion on it.
Have you ever heard of a Navy Seal or a tough Marine taking his own life? Very rare, isn't it?
Have never heard of one actually. Anyone who knows an example please don't link to the news, that's not the point.
Committing suicide is giving up. So don't give up. Teach others not to give up. Spread the message to never ever give up. Because it is too easy to give up, and much tougher to fight till the end.
I know people who have fought in wars for many years but never gave up. I have family who fought bravely against cancer for several years and never gave up, and actually led normal happy lives until the cancer devoured them.
No, never give up. Set an example by fighting it out and never giving up.
After reading your posts, I think you're doing great. You're already brave and successful @kaylinart and seen as a community leader on Steemit, build yourself to be a role model of someone who is always courageous and strong.
Thank you so much for your kind words! When I think of it it does seem like Navy seals and Marines, Haven't gone that fair. and It's important to not give up, But I do understand that sometimes people get weak and are in too much pain it's too hard to continue. Thats the terrible thing about it, Is sometimes it seems like a wonderful idea for a minute, Then it's too late.
Wow... that's powerful Kaylin; and very personal and very intimate. Yes, you're very courageous for sharing this.
::: pause :::
Ultimately, the reason I didn't ever go through with it was that I was really afraid I'd screw it up somehow... and instead of ending the pain, instead I'd end up in a wheelchair, in a semi-vegetative state, forced to view the rest of my life, screaming inside but powerless.
I'm glad you didn't succeed... the world is a better place because you are in it.
I think it was very courageous of you to share this very personal thing you've been through. I think being able to talk openly about those rough moments is a plus for everyone. I'm glad to read you don't ever feel like this anymore.
:)
Thank you :) Heheh I'm glad too! It was a really hard part of my life to deal with. Thank you for your nice comment hehe.
Most of the time the dark moments are just that...moments. Suicide is a permanent solution to what, in most instances, is a temporary problem.
Those dark feelings can dissipate by talking about them. This requires a good listener. Not everyone has art as an outlet. Sometimes talking can be all it takes, so all of us should be attentive to the moods of our friends, family, coworkers, and not be afraid to ask how they are feeling. It can be scary when they respond that they are contemplating suicide but having that outlet can help them. Stay with that person and get them help if you can't do it on your own. Look out for one another, you never know when you might need the help.