BEASTLY TALES

THE MONUMENTAL MYSTERY

The case of the missing postman was more than oblique.
It’s unusual qualities surrounding; a real mystique!
For twenty five years Postman Pete had done his round,
Then, one day, he was nowhere to be found.
Not only was this annoying for those waiting for mail,
But for Postman Pete, much inconvenience would prevail.
Where had he disappeared to? Defying old habits.
Perhaps he’d gone to ground, as do rabbits.
Could he have been sent to the Dead Letter Office?
We’ll look elsewhere for clues, what else proffers.

“Nothing good ever comes in the mail!”
One of Postman Pete’s customers did bewail.
“Bills, Bills and more Bills. Hard sell junk.”
“My letterbox should be fumigated. It has stunk.”
Could such a malcontent have done-in old Pete?
Keeping in mind that Postman have smelly feet.
Yes, such a prevailing odour, along with junk mail,
Could drive one to Postegicide, without fail.
Postegicide, the murder of Postmen,
A phenomenon turning them into Ghostmen,
But, if this was so, where was his body?
To leave a postman lying about would be shoddy.

A shame that he wasn’t stamped, “Return to Sender,”
“Return to Sender, Address Unknown,”
“No such number, No such Home.”
If such were the case, with Postal efficiency,
He’d be back in no time at all, what proficiency!
But no! He remains missing to this very day.
No solution, or clue, to the mystery, what can we say!

Postmen used to always carry a whistle.
This would be blown very hard when delivering an epistle.
There upon alerting the home owner within,
Alerted through the means of this shrill din.
Perhaps, if Postman Pete couldn’t yelp,
He could have turned to his whistle for help!

Posthumous! This could be our Postie’s condition.
What had befallen him? What rendition?
What malign force did he engage?
Who, so innocently, did he enrage?
“Insufficient postage,” more is required,
All we want is information – a solution desired.

A solution we require, you could say “Post Haste.”
If it requires it, solutions must be rapidly chased.
It’s been so long now, of nothing can we boast,
But we surely would like Pete back by return post.
If not, then there’s nothing else for it,
I’ll be the “Last Post” at dawn. Although we wouldn’t adore it.