BEASTLY TALES

THE FROZEN NORTH

In Canada’s far, far distant north,
Below zero temperatures, so on and so forth.
The land of the Eskimo, or Inuit rather,
The land where Igloos are homes, so we blather.
With near frozen seas, capable of killing,
And Narwhals with horns, ideal for drilling,
Holes in freezing, unsuspecting folk,
Who, before, had considered Narwhal stories a joke,
Yes, with that seemingly unwieldy nose screw,
They are equipped to run any one through!

Inuit used kayaks to paddle along,
Accompanied by some Inuit song.
But as it was always just so very cold.
An Inuit came up with a plan most bold.
“Why not install some central heating?”
“Such a plan! Eureka! There’s no-one beating.”
So he made a fire on the fore-deck,
Paddling along merrily. Then, what the heck!
The whole fabric of the kayak became ablaze.
With predictable results. Consequences to amaze.
You’ve heard the saying, “You can’t have your cake and eat it,”
Also appropriate, “You can’t have your kayak and heat it!”

Well, the temperature is now thirty below,
The whole world seems made of ice and snow.
Icicles form on the tip of one’s nose,
Water anywhere would freeze, as it goes.
The Aurora Borealis, the Lights of the North,
Flicker and flash, as one ventures forth.

Pierre LaPue did venture out that day.
He was off to work, come what may.
His work was in the town of Qualamazoo
And entailed collecting buckets of frozen poo.
He operated a bucket exchange business.
Whereby toilets could be cleared, with no fizziness.
Yes, no fizzy chemicals were ever needed,
As bucket contents were frozen, unimpeded.
So LaPue would leave an empty pail,
Taking the frozen full one, without fail.
This avoided the need for sewer pipes,
Which, when frozen, exploded, with many gripes.
Not only that, but with Perma-frost,
Digging trenches for pipes was a skill that was lost.
LaPue had another problem, not new,
What to do with hundreds of tons of snap-frozen poo!
There certainly was not the slightest notion,
Of tipping it into the Northern ocean.
The ground was way too hard with Perma-frost,
To bury the ordure, at any cost.
So it accumulated into a vast, unsightly pile.
That could be seen before Qualamazoo for many a mile.
One trembled in trepidation at the alarming thought,
Of what could happen if Global Warming, a heat wave, brought!