BEASTLY TALES

OTTO OBSESSED

Otto Clipzinger was obsessed by many things,
Eating, drinking and ladies dressed in what clings.
But the latest manifestation that did fill his mind,
Was an unhealthy preoccupation with what he could find,
What he could find, and afford in art,
Because he was poor, he was off to a slow start.
“I don’t really understand implications of things,”
“Beyond eating, drinking and ladies dressed in what clings.”
“But I do like bright colours that catch the eye.”
“And I do like reclining nudes as they lie,”
“Yes lying down, lying idle on a casting couch,”
“Lying at attention, so as not to slouch.”

Otto did the rounds of sales Galleries of Art,
But as he had no money with which to part,
He soon realized this to be a futile pursuit.
And so he changed his strategy, a point most moot.
It was then to Art Display Galleries he went,
These had no entrance fee, to pursue his bent.
Not only was admission free, but nothing was for sale,
So he couldn’t be tempted by what he’d regale.
He began marking on the catalogues there,
The position of paintings featuring ladies most bare.
Of course, there was no shortage of this type of image,
Often surrounded by crowds, huddled in a scrimmage.

“I know what I’ll do with my carefully marked maps.”
“I’ll operate tours for all those German Club saps.”
“After you have drunk your beer and wines,”
“Come with Otto to see naked frauleins,”
“A tour guide who will, with his map, steer you right,”
“Direct to reclining nudes, Oh, what a sight.”
“There will be Herr Katzenjammer, and of course, Fritz”
“A host of male members will love it to bits.”
“Wolfgang, Herr Goering and Helmut too,”
“Not to mention, of course, Herr Kalamazoo.”
“Our tour will not only take you straight to reclining nudes”
(“Not for the faint hearted, certainly not prudes.”)
“But provide refreshments in the form of pretzels and beer,”
“So everyone attending can be of good cheer.”
“Good German beer at the German Club prices,”
“And for dessert, German-style ices.”
“All this will be kept cool in an Esky on wheels,”
“There will be Riesling and Moselle, for wider appeals,”
“Pinch girls when you get tipsy, to hear their squeals.”

So Otto ran his first tour, the very next day.
The Gallery Management did not know what to say.
Eventually, they came up with a rule,
That picnics in Art Galleries couldn’t be run by a fool!
That, of course, precluded Otto from his venture,
Making him so angry, as he clamped down on his denture.
“Vot dese fools tink dey are doing?”
“Spoiling dis legitimate business I’m pursuing!”