BEASTLY TALES

OTTO IN LOVE

As most unlikely as it does sound,
Otto in love. Such thought does astound.
Philomena Blackberry was the lady in question,
She worked in the Chippery. Instant indigestion!
Otto first saw her, deep frying chips,
He was smitten, with her beautiful lips.
Otto was entranced by the fag in her mouth.
The smoke going north, the ash going south.
As Otto walked carefully up to the bench,
“What’ll it be love?” asked the bedraggled wench.
Otto thought her rapturously attractive
Sweating heavily, it was hot and she was so active.
“I’ll have Cod and chips,” Otto did stammer.
Overawed by the good lady’s glamour.

Otto sat in a plastic chair while she cooked.
Every so often at Philomena he looked.
He thumbed through fly-specked magazine articles,
Brushing from the table stale food particles.
At last, the words he’d been awaiting,
“Come an’ git it!” Otto got up, fervour unabating.
“Vinegar an’ salt?” Philomena did ask,
“Yes,” responded Otto, up to the task.
He yearned to ask the good lady out.
She was working, so she could shout,
That is to say, she could pay for dinner.
Such an arrangement would be a real winner!
But Otto didn’t have the courage to put the question,
And he knew that later he’d have indigestion.

Otto did finally ask her to the pictures.
His hesitant performance caused no strictures.
They would go there this very night,
Him considering that speed was right.
Otto not wanting to invoke stinginess scorn,
Decided to buy a bucket of popcorn.
Philomena’s attire Otto had to admire,
Although she smelled between an ash tray and deep fryer.
Eventually, the theatre lights did dim,
Otto decided he’d follow his whim.
He tried to put his arm around her,
But it didn’t reach, he began to flounder.
She wondered what was amiss?
Otto quickly gave her a kiss.
That is to say, a peck on the cheek,
Further amorous action he did not seek.

The film did finish in a flourish,
Otto felt the need to self-nourish,
But after buying the popcorn he was stoney broke,
His impecunious state he would cloak.
“Neither of us look like we’re starving,”
“In fact, all future meals we should be halving.”
Well, on Philomena this had dramatic effect,
Her unbridled ire was left quite unchecked,
“Who do you think you are, calling me fat!”
“I’ve had quite enough of you, and that is that!”
She then strode rapidly out of the door,
And that was the last of her that Otto saw!