BEASTLY TALES

OSCARS ORDEALS

Pushing a snowball up a sandhill,
Something only to be attempted by a dill,
And yet, that is something Oscar, apropos life,
Thought a way of describing all the ongoing strife.
“I’m always up against it!” Oscar used to say,
“Never any Credits, to brighten up my day,”
“Only Debits here, Debits there, Debits nearly everywhere.”
“Surely it’s not such a burden, to have relief from care.”
“What could it achieve, in any beneficial way?”
“For me to be anxious, and stressed, every single day?”
“Encouragement! That is what I need,”
“So good if, powers that be, could give a little heed,”
“As to such a most simple, reasonable request.”
“A very simple solution, a desirable bequest.”

Oscar then decided, he’d do this, that and the other,
About to set right out, a phone call from his mother!
“Oscar, dear, I need your help, you must come at once.”
“It’s my hour of need, straight away, don’t be a dunce.”
“It’s an emergency, I’m in a state of panic”
“I’ve drink so much Earl Grey Tea, me teeth are brown with tannic!”
Oscar ran right to his car, but it wouldn’t start!
“Oh, what am I to do, don’t have a billy cart!”

Oscar ran down the street to catch a bus.
Jumped on board, then, what a fuss!
He did not have money for the fare,
Had to jump off, not even half-way there!
He walked along the street, kicking a can,
Then, into two policemen, ran.
“Oi you! You look like a vagrant now.”
“We’ll have to book you, no funds to endow”
“Have you got ten bob in your pocket?”
“Or, it’s off to jail. The door we’ll lock it.”
“For that is what vagrancy laws do entail.”
“It’s 1955, and stupidity does prevail.”
(Of course we have stupidity now, too.
Another subject, that here we’ll not pursue).
So Oscar, being broke, was carted off to jail,
One day he’d get an even break, without fail?
The next day, they let him out,
After they had roughed him about.
“Now, you useless, bludging slob,”
“You’d better go out and find a job.”

Oscar finally did reach mothers dwelling,
It was rather stinky, cooking cabbage he was smelling
“Oh, me darlin’ little wee boy!”
“You’ve come at last, oh, what joy!”
“I’ll now tell you what was botherin’ me,”
“An’ then you can fix it, if you’ll agree.”
“What was causin’ constination so grand,”
“Is this ‘ere ring, upon my ‘and.”
“I found it in the street yesterday,”
“When I went out, my power bill to pay.”
“In fact, it was on the skinny finger,”
“Of the gent, who on the side-walk did linger.”
“I say “linger”, yes that is what I said,”
“But, in fact, I think he was dead!”
“Now what could I do? I ask you that.”
“I couldn’t give it back, in a state like that!”
“And so I brought it ‘ome to my place,”
“But now I knows that was a disgrace.”
“Should I put it in the Grocers window stall,”
“Or should I flog it, keep the money, and all.”
So that is what she decided to do.
But Oscar was left out of sorts, and pocket too!