BEASTLY TALES

HOBO JOE

Deep in the backwoods of Tennessee,
Lived a recluse, yes, a recluse he may be,
But he got out and about enough to hoard,
An amazing collection of junk, now applaud!
For within this accumulation of discards,
Were some items from quality junk yards.
Yes, old signs and stuff from the 1920’s.
The number of these in the classification “plenties”.
Porcelain signs advertising oils and gas,
Old tins of product for cleaning dirty brass.
Things that most folk would simply chuck out.
But Hobo Joe (for that was his name) had no doubt,
That one day folks would come acalling,
To view his junk collection, seemingly appalling.

He still kept Leroy and Virgil, his sons,
Out and about on stock accumulation runs,
The more they hauled back, the bigger the pile,
One day he might sell something, live in style!
One day he had a visit from “Pickers” from a second-hand shop,
Looking for stuff where the price might drop,
So low that they could resell at profit,
They brought some money, so up they could “cough-it”.

Now, by the very nature of his existence,
Hobo Joe lived close to a level subsistence.
His offspring were blockheads, somewhat dim,
So they subsisted on the same level as him.
Well now, the Pickers rummaged around,
Until an accumulated pile they had found.
“How much do you want for this pile of junk?”
These were Hobo Joe’s prize possessions subject to debunk!
“Not one of these items is for sale!”
“If I’m to sell, decency is to prevail.”
“For a start you can now call me Mr. Hobo Joe!”
“I don’t need to know YOUR name, you so, and so!”
The Pickers had to quickly change their tune,
They now, treated with respect, this old baboon.
“Mr Hobo Joe, we meant no offence,”
“We’d like a price guide on this pile so immense,”
Hobo Joe’s eyes then did narrow,
Their earlier comments had cut to the marrow,
“I sure hope you brought lots of money!”
“Prices have gone up, today, Sonny.”
As the Pickers departed they whinged and bleated.
Feeling somehow that they might have been cheated!
Hobo Joe said to nobody in particular,
“If’n they had o’been nicer, they could ‘ave rode on my funicular!”
Yes, Hobo Joe had built a funicular up the mountain to his place,
But not for rude Pickers, a national disgrace!