My question is: Is something trying to kill me or is something trying to make sure I stay alive??

Neither. Something is trying to remind you that you are alive. You live. This is not a drill.

I'll never be what everyone wants me to be. I may never be exactly what I want me to be. But I'm open to practicing

This specific line reminded me of my favorite Amanda Palmer song that makes me cry every time but reminds of what is important. If you don't know it, listen at a time when you can afford to get all teary and emotional.

I'm going to make sure this manifests into being more outwardly productive on steemit rather than just chatting, upvoting, and curi-ing. The more I can practice regular posting. The easier it will be to bring forth all the good stuff I have in store for my personal page as well as @teamgirlpowa.

Let's make a little pact: let's push each other to do just that. I've officially quit most of my non-steem jobs and want to focus on my book and on blogging as a full time job. I have no idea what I am doing. Honestly, I am used to writing for money, not for people. Let's drag one another into being better us.

NOTE: that my ability to do this today and my motivation has been the lady who I call my steemit spirit animal.
@techslut

This is the part I get all smiley and teary-eyed. This is who I strive to be. I want to inspire curiosity, bravery, originality, creativity, and love for oneself and others. So thank you. Thank you for seeing me as the person I want to be. Because sometimes I see myself as a pathetic whiny attention whore with nothing interesting to say. And then you make a meme from a random thing I said on chat. Thank you. So many thank yous. <3

Let's own 2018. Let's direct this new year evolution toward our goals. We can do it. And look fabulous while we do. :)