Dude, I am sorry to read this. I know you don't want to share it with me, but go back to counseling, get out in nature, find ways to make yourself happy...I am sorry about it for you...life is not such a great thing after all, I get that...I feel the same...why does it work so well so easily for some people and some of us struggle and barely get above water...some people get paid for breathing and piss their opportunities away while others who have great ideas are held underwater and drown before they get a chance...I love you Dude...sorry it is such a struggle for you...not easy for me either...I have nothing to offer you ...no solutions to your problems but I can be someone to talk to...that is all I got...