A Reflection on Deeply Ingrained Nirvana Fallacy and the Addiction of Perfectionism

peacepunk (37)in #anarchism • 6 years ago

Over the past month I have spent countless hours trying to write the follow up to my series about addiction, while indulging in a unique and oftentimes forgotten addiction: Perfectionism.

I learned this toxic coping mechanism as a child. A way to deal with being both "gifted" and learning "disabled" in a school environment that sucked the fun out of learning. In this environment, I saw a system that did not serve me or any actual development of useable knolwedge for other kids. I would either do my absolute best or not care at all. This black and white thinking about education created a rift within me, I both loved learning but felt crushed under the authoritarian rules they imposed on me to learn by their regulations and rules.

I would perform best in classes that fed my need for expression, freedom, and creativity. My brain became programmed to enjoy these tasks, but when I struggled in classes that had a more rigid curriculum I didn't want to waste my energy. I knew what I was capable of, and I certianly wasnt going to listen to anyone who tried to convince me having a nose piercing or blue hair was "distracting" for the class. The distraction of course being the teacher arguing about a students own body.

I was actually diagnosed as a "Oppositional Defiant Disordered" child, when I found this out in 2017, I laughed wholeheartedly. I have always questioned authority! I have never settled for simply accepting paper validation for efficacy of knowledge from any institution that has a monopoly in the effected markets. That's insanity. Even kids can see this! And react to it. Why else would public schools be "free"? Governments do not give out services and not ask for something in return. I digress. This is one of the diagnoses that made me question the validity of the DSM and look more into the psychiatric industry in the first place. Knowing it was given to me only furthers the distaste for the pharmaceutical industry. A huge steeping stone in my choice to never go back to a system of "hellth" care.

Even today I have to stop pressuring myself to create this "perfect work". It doesn't exist. I can re-write and re-write but speaking directly from the heart and beliveing fully in what I create is more important than sounding "intelligent". My worthiness isn't found in a thesaurus. And giving myself deadlines makes me less likely to finish or even begin a project.

I don't have anything to prove, I came to Steem to help add my voice to a movement that matters a lot to me. Anything else is an after-effect and I cannot take credit for it.

"The nirvana fallacy is the informal fallacy of comparing actual things with unrealistic, idealized alternatives. It can also refer to the tendency to assume that there is a perfect solution to a particular problem. A closely related concept is the perfect solution fallacy."-Wikipedia.

There aren't some specific magic words that I can use to cast a spell to keep you enthralled with my posts. Nor can I likely change your mind as I am not really a pursuasive person. I know I have the power to plant a seed though! To envoke curiosity! I do not want to be blindly belived or followed without question! I want to be questioned, and educated by anyone willing to back themselves up with viable proof.

I believe in what I preach, I have walked that path either by my fixation on my favorite subjects, or by example myself; by using them to transform my own life. I do not believe in the current paradigm, including regulated "schooling" (brainwashing/programming). It is a form of forced learning I will not subject myself to. I will pursue my passion without permission from politicians on pearly pedestals peddling putrid poppycock.

Religion, government, corporations, (and more) all have monopolies on so much of the systems in our lives. I will work to stop the infection of this. I will stop myself from falling into a fallacy presented by media, entertainment, and other similar feilds. I have value, as do my ideas. I will no longer fear failure or success. I accept the outcome no matter what it may be. I own my power, and I do not consent to anyone creating shame or anxiety from it, including MYSELF. I don't have to be "perfect" as these constructs of invalidation for our own subjective realities have led people to believe for so long. I dont need any damn recognition from a "school" to allow others to see my worth. My actions and my values do that for me just fine. And if that's not enough, we probably wouldn't work well together, why would someone like that read my posts much less involve themselves in my life?

I have purpose, and I will pursue it without the permission of a system who currently denies proven healing methods for people all over the world out of greed and ignorance. I am here for Truth, Freedom, and Compassionate Care.

Thank you siblings for letting me into your perception today. Things will be rolling out again soon. Working on something big right now, there will be more info in future posts.