Voluntaryism and parenthood
I find myself at odds with myself as a parent and a voluntaryist. In my life I promote voluntary interaction between individuals but I have difficulty allowing the same for my children. I'm often making them do things they wouldn't otherwise do and punishing them for things I dont want them to do. Its like I am the tyrannical governments that I oppose.
Do any of you have any thoughts or ideas on how I can be more consistent?
Interesting dilema! I have seen first-hand what happens to parents who implement full-on voluntaryism parenting, and the result is kids who are an absolute nightmare... completely self-obsessed kids who are an absolute nightmare to be around. I highly recommend treating parenting in a different way to that in which you treat adult interactions. Children's minds are not fully formed. In my opinion, they need guidance in order to reach the level of maturity they need in order to interact with someone on a voluntary basis successfully.
Give up voluntaryism?
Hey @kidtubu, I saw your article on the Voluntaryism Facebook page. It's difficult to determine what rights parents have "over" their children (in a manner of speaking) from a voluntaryist perspective.
We don't own or rule over our children. We are more like custodians or guides. And I think a guiding hand of discipline is what a voluntaryist parent needs to take. Rather than focusing on punishment, one should focus on teaching. Granted, I'm not sure how that would play out with infants and toddlers who may be too young to understand that sort of lesson.
I'm sure I'll have more concrete thoughts on this subject in a few years when my wife and I start having kids. But for now I hope my input has been at least somewhat valuable.
I agree with this comment. We try to keep the voluntaryism with our kids as much as possible but its almost impossible in some cases. Especially when they are young. We educated them on many topics especially freedom, politics, economics, and the importance of standing up for what they believe in. We teach them any trade work we can. My husband is a mason and I dabble in many things from foraging, making medicines, healing, to sewing and crocheting. I have to argue with my father on many topics as he is a full blooded democrat. My kids learn to argue the same points. Education is definitely key to raising valuntarist kids but you can't just ignore discipline. Kids are unable to make all the best decisions until they show that they can.
Keep doing your best and just make sure they are healthy and safe and they keep learning. Good job!!
Thanks for the reply, I try teaching the older one but the younger has a rebellious streak (which I respect), but sometimes he just comes off as bratty.
I can relate. The approach that comes closest to being consistent with my beliefs, that I've come across, is known as RIE. I've just posted an introduction over here. Perhaps you'll find it interesting. (One key aspect is its avoidance of rewards and punishments).
Interesting.
I hope to write about this today, but I would suggest trying to change the dynamic by pretending you are associating with them in the free market :P Instead of, "You do this otherwise this will happen, because I say so!" Think in terms of negotiation, "if you do this for me, I'll do this for you." Clean your room and I'll read you an extra book before bed tonight; do your homework all week and we can do go to the park on Friday. It teaches your kids to reason and be negotiators, instead of compliant out of fear. Try really hard to treat them like a partner: always use logic to present your case, speak calm and clear, and truly attempt to mutually benefit one another. Hope that helps!
Sidenote: I understand they are kids and have a lot of cognitive catching up to do, I just believe that kids are capable of much more than we give them credit for. My 6 and 2 year olds have adapted very well to this method and our home is much more peaceful because of it.