It's too late now to say sorry
I had to send another email not long ago. Again, I said I am done. My plan was to end all contact with the first, brief missive. I received phone calls, messages and emails last night seeking reentry into my life. They were apologetic and miserable. These pleas are the exact reason I was sucked in again and again.
This morning, I reviewed the messages and saw them for what they were: insecurity. A need to have access to my energy in order to feel strong, whole, powerful, in control.
No.
Just no.
So I wrote back to say leave me alone. Do not contact me again. Stay out of my life.
It scared me. I'm still vibrating and numb with anxiety. But I also feel safer because there is no way to misunderstand that I DO NOT want contact.
Does this mean they will honor my request? I doubt it in the extreme. I fully expect a barrage of hateful and pleading emails doing what the last batch did: blaming their mental illness, physical illness, brushes with negative mystical energies, etc on me because clearly this person can't take responsibility for their own actions even when they say they are taking responsibility for their own actions.
I shared what being pulled back in looks like from the inside as @perspective. I wrote this piece to process the initial breakdown. I was still trying to assuage this abuser's feelings, and hadn't made the stalking connection yet, despite copious cues. I am posting it there because it feels safer to be vulnerable like this in "Dani's" space.
I'd love to read your thoughts.
xoxo,
Saying no well become easier, I've been where you are right now. Surround yourself with good people and thoughts. Hugs <3
I so appreciate this. <3
I am glad my lessons can help, it makes all the suffering I went through worth the struggle to find freedom. A book I found years later, after I had healed myself and found the goodness in myself which attracted good people might be helpful. The stories, examples, and dealing with the betrayer and conditioning are excellent. My stepfather molested me and my mother was an enabler, I went on to several abusive relationships, and couldn't figure out why I attracted psychopaths. I knew my situation had to do with my conditioning and trying to figure out how to let go of my past conditioning started my adventure in discovering myself. Kinda like transforming something awful into something good. http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/141678.The_Betrayal_Bond?from_search=true
Thank you! I am going to read this book!
I'm very sorry for your experience with your stepfather and mother. Finding that clarity, though. That's profound. I have been so cautious of people like this person. It's frustrating to find I am sucked in again. :( Thank you for this recommendation.
Hugs from me too
Thank you. :)
Stay strong! At least you recognize those calls for what they are: insecurity and the need to feed off your energy. Life suckers like that need to prey on their own... they need to be on an island unto themselves.
Very, very true.
@honeyscribe
No, and it doesn't matter. What matters most is we're moving on and if they don't stop - that's their problem now.
Sighs - I so can relate to this and you've probably witnessed it, too.
As long as we know what we intend to do and be - we don't have to dance tango with people like this.
IGNORE is the word.
Forgive and let go - leave the path they're walking on and as @reddust wrote - surround yourself with those kind of people indeed.
Thank you for this. What an amazing group. <3
All I can say... is that I send hugs from afar.
Thank you. <3
My god this particular post is extremely relatable for me..... And I came to the same conclusions. The apologies and grovelling came not from the feelings he may have for me but his own selfish need to feed his ego on the knowledge that I still care.
Exactly. I want to cry reading this because it is so damn accurate.