Life Lessons: You Can’t Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want To Be Helped
Recently I have a friend that has been having trouble in life and I wanted to make this post mostly just to talk about human nature in general. My friend has so many things going for them, they are very attractive, smart and on track to become a doctor, yet they are hung up about this one girl from college who, to be honest wasn’t a great person. I keep telling my friend that anyone would be lucky to be with him and that his relationship with that girl from college was unhealthy, as they fought all the time. Despite it being close to a year and a half since they last were together and her having moved on and not wanting any contact with him, he still wishes to pursue her. Ive tried everything to help him forget about her and move on, but until he himself wants to move on there is nothing I can do. This brings me to my first life lesson, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
In life there are so many times you will meet people who are either constantly pessimistic and complain about their problems but don’t take any action to fix it. The fact of the matter is, that sometimes these people don’t want to change and in some sick way want to just wallow in their misfortune. I have been here before and I know what it feels like. It can be depression or it can simply be just being afraid of moving forward, but things eventually need to change. The problem with a person when they are in this state is they push their closest friends away and eventually find themselves stuck in a continuous circle of pity and depression. If you are the friend to one of these people, all you can really do is wait it out and be supportive as you can, even if you want to lecture them or help them you can’t.
When people are depressed, sometimes they just want to stay in that state for a while and all you can do is give them space but at the same time be supportive. It can be painful to watch them go through this and all you want to do is just shake them, but it won’t work, nothing can be forced. In time they will come back to their regular selves, you just need to wait it out. If they reach out to you for help then you can start to give them advice and help them move past it, but until that point there isn’t really much you can do.
There are also times where your friends will try to bring you down to their level because they want someone else to share the misfortune with, but most of all you can’t let this happen. Sometimes they act irrationally and even if they lash out at you, say something mean and make you feel down, you don’t want to go to their level. You need to just realize that this is how it works and in time they will apologize for being an ass at that moment. When people are down and depressed they can act irrationally however tempting it might be, don’t lash back out at them or hold it against them because it will just hurt your friendship.
So in my situation with my friend im just going to be as supportive as I can until he either realizes that she wasn’t right for him, or he comes to me asking for help. This situation has definitely hurt our friendship a bit and at times I want to slap him and yell “wake up!” but I know that it would do nothing but harm. If you have ever had a similar situation or can relate to me, let me know below. Also if you have any further advice that I missed , feel free to post it.
-Calaber24p
I have learned from experience, of myself, and other around me, such as family. You can't make people walk through a door, or drink the water of rejuvenation and improvement. They have to walk themselves and open the door, and drink on their own.
Sometimes, you need to hit bottom and fall hard in order to motivate yourself to pick yourself back up.
There is great power in the negative. People are often afraid of facing reality of the negatives in their lives, and will ignore it until it gets too big. Then when they finally reach rock bottom, they can see where they are, and choose to once and for all stop their ignorance, cowardice and laziness, and instead choose to rise again out of the darkness, negative, shadow of their current condition, and develop self-love and self-care to do so.
With this knowledge of their current deplorable condition FINALLY faced as a reality, they can have the courage and motivate their will-power and act in an empowering way to change their lives around.
I have an older post about this type of thing called Causality, Consciousness, Natural Law and the Trivium Method for people to learn from.
Here is an infographic about how we can empower ourselves to CHANGE:
Larger image, click here
Thanks! Take care. Peace.
I totally agree with what you say, your older post looks interesting as well Ill check it out.
One can lead a horse to water, but you can not make it drink.
exactly
“wake up!”
Time heals all wounds. Just be there when he is ready to move on.
Maybe she was right for him and you are just being a cunt not listening to him or supporting him in his pursuit of his own happiness
I went through something similar a couple times I had a crush. It was painful, but I eventually got over it. Both girls let me know they were not interested in me 'that way' and were nice enough. It's just hard to turn off emotions when they reach a certain level... I would just give your friend time and room, he will probably get over it eventually, but people can be something of an energy drain when they are suffering, and can lash out, so be cautious.
Wow this hit the spot!
I think people who have gone through depression can relate.
I like to go out in nature and just relax. Maybe other steemees should do the same (:
Here are some pics I took earlier today.
Hope they help (:
https://steemit.com/photography/@echoesinthemind/a-day-at-manatee-park
It is so hard to watch someone you love destroy their no matter what kind of help you give them. Very frustrating and sad, sometimes you got to step away and let them go or you will go down with them. You're right, stay positive.
You are trying to be a good friend but until he decides to move forward all you can do is be supportive. Good luck to you both!
@calaber24p what is good for you doesn't mean is good for someone else. I know this is hard seeing your friend like this but in the end of day it is his life. Please respect this, as much as this is hard, sometimes I needed to step back, because my support and help was read like patronising and overwhelming and actually hurted the relationship between me and my friends. This is very sensitive as well as difficult subject, because it is fine line between helping my friend and controlling my friend life, which in most of the cases is related to the fear of loosing friend.