The question of old age, young lovers and the possibility of change

Hello Nomad,

I am not that young anymore and perhaps rather old compared to most of your readers, although I do feel that my mind is stuck at the age of 30 and I cannot “reset” it to the present no matter how much time has passed.

Many years came and went while I have been married to my wife. I have a big son, a new grandson and a job that I don’t really like. I feel that I am not related to my wife anymore; that we are no longer connected; my son has his own life, my grandson is still young and my job neither satisfies nor fulfills me. Actually, it takes away my passion to live.

I have a friend who is 31 years old but this relationship is a one-sided love. I love her but she is only a friend. I have not touched her for seven years although I am “dying” to do it. Although we meet and I declare my love for her nothing further happens. I should also note that my wife and I are open about love affairs. My wife knows about all the women I have been with including this new friend of mine.

I want to upgrade my relationship, to make a big change but whenever I think about a new beginning and have to deal with someone else’s sack of problems, I get discouraged and remain in my current situation.

Nowadays, there is a subtle fear nesting within me that I would end my life without meaning and without significant activity; that one day I would cease to work, to do and to live despite my good health.

What do you think about my situation? I want a change but I don’t know where to begin.

Jonathan (John)

Credit: This Magnificent Cake! a new stop motion animation

John,

Although you claim not to know where to begin you have already taken the first step by assessing and examining your life and your position in it. You summarize well enough your situation and it is obvious that you want to be much happier than you are currently. And indeed, it’s time you made some new decisions.

Perfect love? Indeed possible and can be real.

Do you want such love? Are you interested?

No problem at all. Guidance and assistance are everywhere. Only, before you embark on your way to True-Love you must know that there is a “price” to pay (and not a high one, in my opinion): no more love affairs outside your sacred marriage; no more double and triple simultaneous relationships; no more masks and hiding; no more compromises about who you live with; no more attachments to the past and a tight grip on a mediocre reality as a protection from the unknown future.

I do not agree that relationship is a journey of two strangers who separately carry their sacks of problems. There are situations in which a relationship is the merging of two people who are whole and complete in themselves. They are much closer than those who share a blood tie. These people reached their wholeness when they took care of their “sacks of problems” and from now on they can simply experience the joy and creativity of their common adventurous creations.

You, dear friend, have to ask yourself now, as always, what is it that you will choose.

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