"I have cheated and my conscience doesn't bother me at all. Am I wrong?"

Hi Nomad,

I have cheated on my husband and I don’t feel any remorse or pangs of conscience. Actually, it was surprisingly easy. A few months ago, you see, I had a silly argument with him during which he said some nasty things. It had made me very sad and I realized that I was not in love with him the way I had thought. After weeks of crying and depression, we decided to stay together although things were not the same as before and I felt completely lost. Things happened and I met a new guy about whom I didn’t feel anything.

Still, I slept with him and it was great. It surprised me that I could easily do such a thing – cheating on my husband – after 20 years of marriage – but I am also seriously considering doing it again.

What do you think? Will I be attracted again to my husband or is it totally over? What should I do next?

Thank you,

Mangi

Credit: michellejester

Mangi,

As always, I will not tell you what to do but only illuminate the way ahead and describe the two main options available to you.

Every human relationship whether between lovers, spouses, relatives or work colleagues carries elements of trust and personal honesty. When those ingredients exist the relationship flourishes and prospers and when they are absent then the relationship decays and deforms.

No doubt your act of cheating on your husband is the outcome of prior processes that were going on for many years. The argument you mentioned was the apex followed by crossing boundaries that you (and society) have established. One thing cannot be denied; it was you who did the cheating. You are responsible for your deeds and therefore you will have to bear the consequences, “good” or “bad” as they may be.

If you and your husband had agreed to conduct an “open marriage” type of relationship then you would not be here to ask the question. The fact is that you did not. Therefore, should you carry on the path of cheating, lying, hiding etc., your relationship will sooner or later end.

I would ask: why don’t you end your marriage right now and save a lot of tears, fear and a general feeling of depression and sadness? Take responsibility for your life and divorce your husband. Then, you will have the time and the proper conditions to have any kind of relationship that you want to create, sexual or other.

The other option is to take a good look at the events and prior situations during the last 20 years of marriage that have led to the current condition. Lack of attraction to your partner and feeling that he doesn’t love you anymore are a symbol for lack of self-love. New partners, as sexy and gorgeous as they may be, will not be able to fulfill, for the long run, the gap that you have within yourself.

You chose to begin walking towards realization and that choice alone brought new events that are now rocking your world. Now it is for you to choose whether or not to stay on the path or just succumb to superficial temptations that reality presents you with. You will also have to decide if that path can be taken alongside your husband or separately.

Whatever your choices be, eventually you will get there, so it doesn't really matter what you choose, as long as you make a choice.

Good luck!

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