Warning, this post is going to be vague, because struggles are personal. But I hope the message behind this post helps someone.

Penned in a Word document dated February 2019, I wrote the following:
I am of the opinion that we never stop self-discovering, and those that appear to have stopped have simply given up trying to understand themselves because changing requires too much effort.

Little did I know that by the end of 2019, I’d have learnt so much about myself and overcome so much that reading back on that paragraph makes me sound like a naïve child.

The feeling of coming out the other side of 2019 could be likened to a hardest gym workout I’ve ever endured. Proud, relieved and on a bit of a high. In my mind’s eye, it felt like getting to the top of Te Mata Peak, because 5am January 1st, 2020, that’s where I was.

Not only that, but now that I’ve climbed up to this platform, this is my new normal. Stronger and higher than I was before. Because I’ve learned from 2019, I don’t need to re-learn it again. This is my new foundation where I will now launch from to climb the next hill.

And seriously, I praise God that I came through on the other side. Because I could have finished 2019 broken, backslidden, empty and lonely. I wrote a list of the most important things I learnt last year in my journal, so I can continue to move forward onto new lessons. Because having to go back and re-learn lessons is a waste of time (and hardship).

The credit for all this cannot go to me, so in no particular order of importance, my help came from:

God

My eternal listening ear, my comforter, my rock and my peace. No amount of praise ever feels enough. It’s no joke when people say that your relationship with God strengthens during difficult times, and it’s stronger than it’s ever been. And I look forward to moving from strength to strength. Conversational prayer does wonders for the soul.

The Anatomy of Marriage Podcast

Specifically, the episode 10 Harmful Behaviours that are Hurting Your Marriage and Relationships. I’ve listened to it three times through and journaled all the important parts so I can look back on it whenever I need to. The other great thing about this podcast is that almost all the advice can be applied to close friendships as well, which also came in handy in 2019.

Kyle

My husband has more forgiveness for me than anyone on this planet. I am in daily awe that I get to spend the rest of my life with him. It was through his wise words that I learnt how to not wear myself out so constantly. Because he’s right, sometimes the chores can wait.

Sports Camp

For showing me that I can still make friends without needing to impress them into liking me.

Jim & Rachel Britts

The To Save a Life YA series challenged me and encouraged me in so many ways it deserves a blog post to itself. It normalised my human struggles and gave me hope for the future. I’m ready go GLOW!

Paul & Sue

When all feels lost, sometimes you need some qualified help. As dear family friends, they told me what I needed to hear to pull myself out of the wallowing rut I’d gotten myself into, no matter how hard it was to hear. Sharing my struggles with people I trust was one of the most life-giving things I could have ever done.

Sandy

My marriage role model and confidant in all that is ‘being a good wife’. The wisest and most honest person I know, she has been my biggest inspiration when it comes to loving people more than productivity. She demonstrates her best qualities by living them out, which is one of the most impressive things anyone can share with the world.

My Dad

Nothing is going to break my heart more when I leave than saying goodbye to him. He’s become the father I always wished I had, and words can’t describe how painfully wonderful it’s been to talk with him so much this last year.

Jeremy

He is without a doubt the best friend role model I could ask for. And after making a personal resolution to invest more in my friends here, his example of how to be a good friend has been my main source of inspiration.

Rebekah, Lee & Freddie

I’m a person that needs verbal confirmation and validation almost constantly. Rebekah is truly gifted in this area beyond measure. And I’m so incredibly grateful for her love and support constantly. And after nurturing the friendships I have with Lee and Freddie, they’ve started serving encouragement back to me naturally, which is not something I expected when I made the resolution to up my friend-energy levels. The friend group Kyle and I have cultivated has developed into a culture of encouragement, to the point where last year we saw all our friends be happier and more full of life than ever before. There’s nothing more encouraging than seeing your friends grow and succeed.

We can’t grow on our own. And anyone who thinks they can is stunting their growth.