I have said it before and I will say it again. I love how I became a mom - I love being a mom! In 2015 my husband and I adopted our son, he was 4 months old when we brought him home and started our family. Now, two years later, we have to remind ourselves how our son became ours, that his entrance into the world was a little different to others'. We often "forget" that we adopted him, since it just feels like he has always been here with us, he is our son in every way that matters. But I know that this is not healthy, to ignore the fact that he is not biologically ours is not fair on him, he needs to know from a young age that he was adopted and that that's OK.

Yes, my child has a rocky road ahead, it breaks my heart. We love him so much and knowing that he is soon going to have a lot of questions about where he came from, and why he is here and not there - my heart breaks for him. I know it's up to my husband and I to help him and guide him as much as possible, so that he knows that he has a place in this world and that he was and is always ALWAYS wanted. 

We have started reading him books about how different families came to be, books that tell a story about adoption (all age appropriate of course). At this stage he is too young to see the reason behind the stories being told, but we hope that it sets some sort of healthy foundation in his mind in the days and years to come. We try to make the word "adoption" an every day one, so that the word sounds familiar to him.

When we first met with our social worker she had this poster on her wall:

Not only are the words in this little poem true, but our social worker said that it's a good idea to let our son know that although he was not born from my body, he was born from my heart, which is far more special. Recently I have stated teaching my son where hearts are found and how they beat in our chest. If you ask him where his or my heart is, he'll show you. I have also stated explaining that love comes from our hearts, that I love him and that he came from my heart. I understand this might cause some confusion later on when I get the "where do babies really come from question", but I think it is important for him to know that while I didn't give birth to him physically, in my mind, he WAS born in my heart.

Months before we received the call that we had been matched with a child, I just knew that my son had already been born. I also had this feeling that he was waiting for us in a hospital. When we got the call to say "you have a son", we learnt that he was already 4 months old and had been in hospital the whole time. My heart knew. 

Explaining to my child how he was born to us is the easy part. I know that as he gets older and becomes an adult the questions will become more technical and the answers will not come easily. I don't think I will ever be prepared for them, but I do know that they have to be answered truthfully. Another good piece our social worker gave us: Answer each question as it comes, answer each question directly and nothing more, our son will proceed to ask more when he is ready - just let him process what he needs to a little at a time. 

I'm sharing this little part of my life with you because it is something I think of nearly hour of every day. Every mom worries about her child. As he gets older I am waiting for the day that he understands that he was adopted, and what that means. Sometimes I act out the scene in my head. I always hope for a happy ending, I hope my little boys is ALWAYS happy.

I'll end off with this quote:

A child born to another woman calls me mommy.The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me. - Jody Landers 

Much love - @sweetpea