Hey Dbroze, sorry you are going through a hard time. It sounds like you still believe in your cause. I do too, btw. So, I'm going to recommend some perception-management type words. I use them myself. Please take the time to read this post because you are actually on my mind quite often. That probably sounds weird because we don't really know each other but it's true. I am on this path of awakening and you're one of the people who has provided essential information for that to happen.
I think what you are struggling with is not that you think your journalistic cause is truly hopeless or useless but that you are struggling to keep yourself aligned with your purpose. This could be happening due to a lack of perceived positive feedback. We are all human and require extrinsic motivation. It's not as powerful as intrinsic motivation(which I believe you are a paragon of) but it's very necessary for the short game. You want to feel like you are making headway and you're not seeing it.
Here's what I'd have you remind yourself of.
-Most of what you do is not "waking people up" but is more like "planting seeds." These grow on their own long after the interaction. You won't see the forest tomorrow, or next week, but by next year you might start to see something and get a feeling for that momentum you're trying to create.
-There isn't really a battle between good and evil. Evil isn't so much a chosen force that people have aligned themselves with as much as it is, simply, stupid behavior. Ask yourself if you really believe that the most evil people in the world are happy? I don't. And that reminds me that there are two options for me every day. Try to make the world a better place, or don't and default to just basic needs, animal urges, and trying to satisfy that which is never at peace. There's no real argument that selfish or evil people can make. There's no real goal. Even a new world order is just a system, not an end goal. It doesn't promise real happiness or satisfaction to anyone. It's not you versus them, it's just humans either doing things that make life better or not.
-Lastly, when I often wrestled with depression in the past I remembered a quote from Huxley. Paraphrased, it states that suicide, from a more scientific point of view, is just changing our mode of existence. It's all matter and energy. So, it's not really quitting the game, it's just removing the "you-ness". That part of you which is most unique, and is most valuable to the world.
Take a break now and then brother. Let your spirit recharge. Your career path is a noble one and it comes with carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Remember to keep the long game in mind and get your mind off things now and then.
Your point of view "planting seeds" makes me think about it, and makes a little hope, but on the other side, sometimes I think it's like throwing seeds in the desert. Maybe I'm wrong, but I belief that all people you can wake up or plant a seed, would with enough time arrive to the same conclusions, that people you can give a shortcut and let them feel that they are not insane and not alone. Insane is to see going everything wrong and still defending the direction.
2 things.
I have found that if you want to change the world, change yourself from within. Your very presence makes waves and people respond.
About sanity, yes you can go insane. Anyone can go insane though. Outsource your sanity. Don't think of it as static or like an inherent intelligence. Take a break now and then if you plan to play the long game. If you're serious about vying to wake people up then you need a cycle that is healthy for you.
your first point is especially important. This is the message I believe in and promote through my work but it does not provide me with solace when I look around at the world.
I just watched Europa The Last Battle documentary and found it very disheartening. Whether you believe it or not, it's heavy stuff and makes me want to stop everything and allow my mind to sort things out. I think you might profit from the same. Get yourself into a peaceful place or take a vacation. Get some peace of mind. Afterwards, ask yourself some tough honest questions.
To a certain amount I would agree on the first point, and in which direction to change? Then their is the big question, how much to take?
Next I think not that it leads to a satisfying result let the bullies do what they are doing.
Second point, I was talking about the people to target to "wake up" or "plant seeds". Seeing over and over again how people get (metaphoric) raped and defend later the rapist, that with out rapist there would be chaos. I think this kind of people is in majority a "waste of seeds". I think still it makes more sense to put the seed on fertile ground. Almost everyone is insane, but it will you make feel insane when you question the status quo - for that I think it's more important to connect with people thinking similar.
In the first point I was speaking from experience. People can sense, to a very subtle degree, if you are "informing" them because you want validation or because you really want to inform. I think it's natural to learn something interesting and want to share it. I also think that part of that desire to share is the desire for validation. You're testing the idea in a way by observing people's reactions. Now a days, asking the masses is not a good test because most people are so unaware of their extensive programming.
Creating a change in perspective is like a dance. You have to learn the steps and then you practice them. At first you won't be convincing, just like someone doesn't look good when they are first learning the steps, but over time you will become more adept. When you hit the steps with ease without thinking about them, you become convincing. And like pop stars, the sky is the limit on how much attention and influence you can command.
These people exist throughout history and they are considered dangerous because of their ability to call attention to themselves and influence masses of people. There is a formula, there is a way.
It's OK to get down, it's not an easy road. But when you overcome these feelings, when you find a way through them, you carry it with you and then others know there is a way.
I agree with you about connecting with people who think similarly. I think that's essentially how you create momentum.