pressure & cognitive dissonance

What? No picture? Not even a funny gif to have at least a thumbnail on your favourite steem UI? Nope. Today I have something written to share with you. Pure words and thoughts without any formatting or fancy markdown. Just a "justify"-div around the text, a little italic here and there and some links for the interested people of you.

Thanks to @yestermorrow who inspired me with his post to share some personal thoughts with you in written letters. It took my a little while to phrase this post because .. yeah .. because what? I don't know. I think it is not a common task for me anymore to formulate my thoughts and share them with others when it comes to my personal things. I am a bit sad about this and happy at the same time that I have done it. Hopefully this post is a start to something more..of the real and honest Norman inside of me.

I am here in Landau working for a customer of the company I am part of. It is kind of nerve wrecking because they know their importance for us but that's not the topic of this post.

I am here since Monday morning and every day I think about filming this awesome and overwhelming landscape. Everywhere I go, I usually take my drone with me and I got it with me here as well. Finally today was the day for flying my drone over those nice grape fields, between little woods, mountains and over old little villages. It is not hard to find beautiful places and views here, believe me. Landau is located in western Germany 1 hour away from France and it is famous for its wine culture. But because I don't drink alcohol anymore, I drank some of the sweet grape juice they got here. Delicious! Okay I get distracted from the main story again.

For my drone flight I have chosen a little church on top of a mountain near my hotel and I went on the trip directly after the working day. I was super enthusiastic and in big anticipation of the finished video at the end of the day. Mostly I edit my videos directly after recording but today it ended in this written post. So why not a video?

So I got up there, recorded the intro of my video while walking my way up the hill and I've found this awesome view I have thought about and I have dreamed of all those days. But then I spontaneously decided to not launch the drone because I got some doubts coming in my mind. I would have disturbed the animals and the peaceful place around that church. I don't believe in god but I believe in the history of such sacred places and the energy all the people left there, filling the air and ground with wishes, peace and reverence over hundreds of years.

It is my pure intention to not show you any picture here because it was my one personal happening. This moment, the air and view of those minutes are just my personal memory and I don't want to share it with anyone. You probably say now: "Why so rude Norman? Why not sharing a little visual insight Norman? And why are you posting something like that Norman?"

Let me explain: I feel a huge pressure to create for some weeks now. I got that feeling that I am not doing enough somehow. Stepping down that hill without recording a full video filled my mind with guilty conscience. It felt like disappointed someone just like a promise without delivering. Why? I guess its because I like to create videos and I like to receive feedback. I like to entertain people by creating creative and inspirational videos. I love to be connected to people all around the world with my videos and by engaging with them. I like everything about content creation and the interaction with my audience. Unidirectional and bidirectional. I like all that stuff so much that I got addicted to it somehow and yeah I think this is a bad sign for an unhealthy way to be creative. If I would have the need to make money with my videos this post would be a "help me" post short before a creative burnout. But I have all the time I need to come over that pressure and to get creative without the guilty feeling.

Normally I would step back for some days/weeks now but I think this post is the first step out of that bad state of mind or it is even the last step before entering this kind of thinking. I don't know yet. All I know is, that this post was needed.

I think some of you have felt the same someday or even now while reading it. What are your thoughts/tips/ways of dealing with that pressure? Do you think I am overthinking too much? Let me know. You know how I love to be connected to you. Thanks for your time if you are still here reading. Thanks for your empathy and for your comment my friend.

Much positive energy and

Peace!

(ok this markdown have to be everywhere you see me)

P.S. after writing this (for >2 hours...) and searching for a fitting title I stumbled over this explaination of cognitive dissonance which is pretty exciting.