"Depression is a common mental disorder, characterized by sadness, loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep or appetite, feelings of tiredness and poor concentration. ... At its most severe, depression can lead to suicide."- World Health Organization

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In my recent blog, Dark Souls Matter(you can check it out here https://steemit.com/untalented/@redmonkey/dark-souls-matter) I tackled about depression and how it affected my bestfriend. I also wrote there that even I have a personal experience of being depressed and yes that is true. I've been been battling depression for almost a year now. I don't have an exact idea to why I'm depressed. Maybe my family issues, my academic performance, or what people tell others about me, or maybe I've been doing self pity. Being depressed sucks, there times that you don't feel anything, even hunger or thrist. You feel completely numb. There are also those days that your so melodramtic that even the simpliest thing or even for nothing , you feel sad and you want to cry. It is very unproductive I must say, you don't any interest or plans that you wanted to do that day, you're just there laying in your bed doing nothing for the whole day.

I've been used to people making issues about me and I thought it diesn't affect me or somehow hurt me but I was wrong. Honestly I've been so concious or paranoid to how I act because of that. One particular issue that they tagged me in is about I having HIV. I was shocked when I learned about the issue and I learned that the issue was made by a friend of mine I considered my sister. It hurts me a lot knowing that because I don't know why she did that to me or where is she coming from.

As far as I know, I was kind to her and didn't gave any bad mouth to her to anyone. I didn't believe the info they gave me that my friend made that up so I messaged my instructor who they told me that my friend told her that, and sadly he confirmed it was true, I felt a dark cloud hovering me around after that. I was so mad at her that I told my instructor that I would do legal action because this issue is not a joke but he suggested that I must do a test first inorder for me to have a record. I did the test right after and got the result, I was negative. So the next step was for me to consult with my lawyer, she told me that we can fill a case. First is oral defamation and bullying. I was decided that time to pushed through with the case as my friends where supportive to that plan because they knew that it is too much. I was doing everything to gather more information for me to have a strong case. I was planning to confront her to our school first As my first step. My lawyer also told me that I can claim monetary damages aside from other conditions if she ever lose the case.

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As I was walking back to my apartment, something or someone whisper in my ears to go first to church to ask for help. I went to Baguio cathedral which is just a 2 minutes walk from my apartment

I went there alone. As I was entering the church, I felt a sudden rushed of energy coming from somewhere I don't know. I sitted in front, observed for a while then kneeled and pray for guidance. It was my longest prayer that I made throughout mylife and It gave me the feeling of calmness . As I exit the church I felt another rushed of energy entering my body, I walked home then got myself a rest.

Later that night I kept on thinking what is my next step for my case, then nothing on my mind. It took me 3 hours thinking then nothing at all, then an idea came up to my mind, what if I don't pursue with the case. But I didn't considered it as my option that time, I was still mad.

As I woke up that morning, I texted one of our friend to tell the person who made the issue to get herself a good lawyer because I'm going to file a case against her. He asked me why then I told him the issue, she suggested that we should talked first personally, first I was hesistant but after awhile I agreed to meet. Later that afternoon we've met at a coffee place near my place. She talked to me first then explained herself then made an apology, I told her all my concern and my issues to her then told her how I felt so bad when I learned that she made that issue. I told her that if I pursue the case which I believed is strong she cannot take the board exam because the case will prohibit her from taking. She was teary eyed telling me her sorry but I told her I'll decide after then she'll know if I'm still going to file a case or not a day after that.

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As I recalled our confrontation, I felt sorry for her, then my partner advised me to not take legal actions because she will be become piteous because all her dream of becoming a dentist is at stake, so I decided not to pursue the case anymore. I messaged her on facebook then told her that , and I added that I hope this will become a lesson to her not to make issues to people. She aggreed to that then told me he talked to the people she told about the issue that it is just a made up. Then the issue was made to rest.

I was happy because I cleared my name but that incident contributed a lot to me being depressed. It still hurts me everytime I think about what happened then question why. I keep on asking why to myself then I started to doubt myself then self pitied. I went through a very rough time and it continued for months.

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I was still depressed that time and I don't have any concrete plans for my future. i don't know what the future holds for me then my friend introduced me to this social media platform Steemit.

At first I just agreed to sign up because he told me that there no harm in trying the system. I posted a little at first then went complety out after that because I don't have the urge. It was still hard for me to cope up but God's has plans for me I believe so I began posting some random blog here after three months. One by one and after I wasn't aware that I'm already posting everyday to steemit . It kept me busy because I was concentrating myself in making blogs and some random stuff here that help me overcome the feeling of lonelineess and depression. Everytime someone upvote, resteem, or even read my blog, I feel happy because at least someone, somewhere appreciate what I am doing which give me a feeling of recognition. 😊 Steemit made me a better person, socializing now to someone whom I've never met in person and aprreciating life through posting blogs.

Steemit brought positive things to my present self. And I hoped that someone who has the same story could be changed by this platform. It is indeed a platform that changes life not only financially but it changes us as a whole person.

photo credit:

• www.steemit.com
• https://www.naturaltherapypages.com
• https://health.usnews.com