The Mausoleum Part 4 - with a quick review for the earlier part of the story

in #story-mentor7 years ago (edited)

This is a part of the Storytelling Mentorship Group by @michelle.gent

Here a quick review, of the first part of the story with links listed under the review. If you are already following the series skip over the review.

2018-03-08 18.18.21 copy.jpg

Victoria is standing in a trance-like state staring at her husband’s mausoleum as two women nearby look on. She leaves as the cemetery chills her to her bones. Once home she writes in her journal…”I will be waiting for you just as you instructed me.”

In this part, Victoria is angry and goes to see the funeral director making sure her husband’s body is in the mausoleum.

She has thought out a way to get them to let her look when she finds this fact: “Unless there is ventilation in a crypt, the body can explode, leading to a leaking situation, creating a stench - as many cemetery workers can attest to.”

Once back home there is a knock at her door and she tells them to go away and that she knows they have been following her.

Finally, we meet Darius, who lives near the cemetery he looks old and his body is growing rigid. He has a condition that he has seen in others. The only thing that will help is the use of the orb. He will have to use his knowledge and training to help himself. This part ends with him saying, “So her name is Victoria. She needs my help and she doesn’t know it yet.”

part 1
part 2
part 3

Now for the story…

Part 4 - The Mausoleum

Darius reaches over to a tray next to his bed and rings a tiny bell. Within minutes a tall dark man called Charles is standing next to him. “Master, you called?”

Darius replies, “Yes, it’s time to go and greet Victoria. Also bring the roses, for the mausoleum. I must search out the orb so my strength will return.”

“Enough talk Charles, bring the roses we must go.”

Victoria is still at her front door waiting for whoever is knocking to leave. Victoria places her ear to the door waiting for a reply that never comes.
There’s a thump then distant footsteps, she steps back and opens the door slightly.

In the opening, there’s the edge of a package addressed to her with no return address. She pulls the box inside and bolts the door.

The antique clock on the fireplace chimes a time she can’t ignore. Time to leave for the mausoleum and wait as instructed by her deceased husband.

The box has to wait.

A carriage is brought around for her at the appointed time. She gets in with anticipation that today will be the long- awaited day.

Original writing by @rebeccabe
Original photograph using Canon T6

Thank you for taking this journey with me.
@rebeccabe
Storytelling Mentorship Group by @michelle.gent
click story-mentor tag below to read more authors

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Honestly I'd have to say that Darius looks interesting. I want to see how you develop his character

thank you for sharing your thoughts ... it is good for me to do that ... I need to get to know him more.

This seems to be going in an interesting direction but I can't predict anything right now. Eager for more

The box has to wait.

Could this box that has to wait be the help or answer to her mausoleum visit?

What is it that darius can really do for her ?

So much tension now and am kind of loving it
I cant wait for the next series
Great piece of writting @rebeccabe

I am so glad you remembered that sentence it is very important, the box that is. :)

How I wish each part of the story can be longer... lol

LOL well...

  1. I want to make sure I am able to handle the characters better and the comments are helping.
  2. I am catching everyone up with this one and will do periodically, not every time.
  3. As I go through Steemit I notice time has been short for many.

That's a very good strategy, will patiently wait then :p

The build up for the story looks great. Your wsy expressing thoughts is wonderful... Anyways lets see what comes next.

thank you ... I appreciate you reading my story. :)

Yes its was great. I actually enjoyed reading thats why i m saying nice a build up... Anyways waiting for the next part.

Pleasure is all mine.

I admire Victoria so much. You created her being stubborn and also has strong will. I admire that.
But...we know so little about Darius.
I feel like he ll have a huge role in what’s coming next
Nice writing as always

thank you for the encouragement and wanting to know more about Darius.

great continuation dear @rebeccabe for an amazing story all the best dear.

thanks for reading and for the compliment.

A carriage is brought around for her at the appointed time. She gets in with anticipation that today will be the long- awaited day
Really the day would have been a long awaited day, keep sharing, wating for the next

The way of listing events and selected words is very beautiful
The story gave suspense.
This story reminds me of my brother Omar.
Two years older than me
He died of liver cancer
He is 10 years old
I do not hide it between my eyes
Although the time passed fold
I remember when we were playing and we were young
I was hit in the stomach
His stomach is bloated because of cancer

He complained me to my mother
And she said to me, I leave your brother
That he was sick
Do not hit him, you have to protect him
It did not take long
Until he died in hospital

I really do not understand how this reminds you of your brother. Please explain.

so sorry for your loss. :(

In the first part when Victoria's husband died
And her astonishment at his death
As soon as I hear death, my brother comes to you
Until I became afraid of death
Although it is a normal condition
Infects all living organisms
I apologize for the lengthening my sister @rebeccabe

Thank you so much for sharing your heart with me.
I am glad you like the story.
I usually do not write about death but @michelle.gent is helping me to write about it.

As you know this is not a true story so may turn out different than you expect. :)

Do you know this is the first time i talk about death of my brother.
At the steemit I goined it 4 months ago
You are the first person to hear this story
Because you are generous and spontaneous
And I entered my mind by your personality
Quiet my sister @rebeccabe
Yes i know isn't true just imagine
But it so wonderful 😍
Good luck

Be blessed.
Steemit is filled with wonderful people.

Wow !!!
Very interesting story ...@rebeccabe..
Your writing skill is really amazing....specially story writing...
@michelle.gent is also an great story writer...
Thanks for gives us those interesting novel series or story series

what do you like about the story or would you like to hear more about in the story. I am interested in your thoughts.

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