Breaking bad habits.

If you have a loved one struggling with smoking, alcohol, or other unhealthy habits, the most effective way to help them change is to just constantly berate and threaten them. Research indicates that many people are simply unaware that things like smoking are bad for you, so constantly harping on about health effects will definitely help them make a positive change. I’ve lost track of how many clients have gasped dramatically, clutched their chest, and said “whaaaaaat?!” when I tell them that excessive drinking is unhealthy. They just needed someone to tell them an obvious, universally known fact, and then they could rationally change!

If you’re the one struggling to change, the key is to be as awful to yourself as possible. Try trashing yourself mentally every day. Say things to yourself that you’d never allow anyone else to say to you. Focus all your attention on your addiction so it’s literally the only thing you think about. Don’t talk to or share your battles with trusted loved ones or professionals, as this proves you’re a pussy that can’t handle your own problems.

If this all sounds stupid, that’s because it is, and yet we keep telling people the obvious and treating ourselves like garbage and still expecting to see positive change. It doesn’t work like that. Compassion, empathy, a connection to deep seated values, an understanding of internal motivation; that’s what motivates change, in the self and others. Stop lecturing. Stop beating yourself up. The hard way out is the only way out, and that means embracing gentleness and forgiveness in a world that insists the only way to change is through punishment and coercion.