_{I've decided to make a decision.} ^{My influence will not be used to sway any opinions.}

That big news. ^{What's done is done. You've had your fun. I will not be acting like everyone.}

^{Raffle-Coppin}

This is not about that.

^{I've slept on it three times.}

For the next few days, a lot of folks will be practicing impatience and the great divide shall expand beyond our borders. The world will find out what you're made of. I choose to stay out of it, completely. No comment.

I am not turning my back on anything or anyone. I'm watching you.

Great things. That's all I want. On the surface, I've placed two words to describe several decades of both my past, and future. Underneath it all is a story I cannot pen. It seems to speak a language I can't comprehend.

From beyond and from within. These two beams unite. Beams of what, I don't know. It is what it is.

Some days I feel like I'm some sadistic son of a bitch's avatar. Coded to handle being fucked with, yet my thoughts are my own, if that's even possible.

Why have I not snapped yet? Surely there must be a limit to how much one can take.

The way I say this must lead your mind to believe I feel punished yet in order for one to feel punished, they must first be able to feel. So it's not that.

I was visited by a memory today.

^{Unexpected company.}

Though I don't know where I'm going with this, I'd really like to try. It is so hard to go to this place when it is my duty here to put on my game face.

Two invisible men were sitting on a bench that day. I asked one if he could sell me a cigarette. They both laughed at me. I was then offered a backhanded compliment about my clean attire, which I accepted. I had them fooled. They had no idea I was one of them for I had only recently been born into that world. I had no scars. No way to wear my stripes proudly for they had not been earned, yet.

You're asking a bum for cigarette, man? Are you crazy?

That day I felt like nobody else could help me. I walked away from that encounter with a lit cigarette and the realization I was caught between two worlds.

There's a small gap between the living and the lost. A fine line I traveled for just long enough to know of its existence. Nobody wants you, there. Too much for one side and not enough for the other.

I'm reckless.

^{Sometimes I don't trust myself.}

Boredom kicks in every time I get my shit together. I've walked away from lives some people can only dream of and headed straight into the pit of despair that is their worst nightmare, more times than I can remember.

On to the next thing and tomorrow is a new day unless you stay up all night. For me, the band no longer plays that circadian rhythm. If I die young, I'll still have lived longer than most that age.

When I sleep, I go to a place where I decline the return ticket. I don't want to come back here, ever, once I'm there. The chaos is where I'm the most comfortable.

Some people forget their dreams when they wake up. I tend to forget my life when I dream. I can vividly remember dreams I had as a child; but I can't remember being a child.

The last dream I had wasn't that long ago. Probably an hour before I started writing this disaster, I had arrived back here, from there.

I was tired. I sleep well when I'm tired. Instantly my mind placed me in the back seat of a vehicle. I was sleepy there as well, so I got comfortable for a second time. I was still awake in this dream where I was trying to fall asleep. I could feel the vehicle moving. Could hear the bumps. I was there, and fell asleep, and began to have a dream within a dream.

When I woke up, I was back on the couch in my apartment. That might sound normal to you. I haven't lived in that apartment, for many years.

I lived a few moments of a life I once had. Knew nothing of this one. Even saw myself in the mirror. That was me. I turned on the TV.

The guide. None of the words made sense. No matter how hard I tried to read what was there, I couldn't. It was impossible. As soon as I could make out a letter it would turn into something else. Then everything started to change. The white walls turned black. The carpet was liquid and sticky. Needed air so I stepped out onto the balcony. The sliding glass door behind me shattered. Thick black smoked followed by a wall of fire pushed me tight against the railing. I jumped.

Fucking killed myself.

Found myself in near complete darkness. Total silence. Not the deafening sort of silence. True silence. Pure silence. And I couldn't move. There was nothing to move.

Frightening, you ask? Not even close.

After waiting there for an incredibly long time, quite suddenly, I arrived back here. This world again. The world you're probably familiar with. This here and now place.

What was there to be afraid of? Being kept in the dark. Hearing nothing. Waiting.

You get used to it, around here.

Credits:All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me. ^{All content within this blog is 100% organic ACTUAL CONTENT and contains no paid vote additives!}
_{"And don't forget to have a nice day."}

^{© 2020 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.}