When the road calls #1
What and why?
I have decided to write a novel about the life of a traveler in the 21st century. The novel will not only follow the travel itself, but more so look to what pushed the protagonist to travel and how he's struggling to fit back into society afterwards. I've been telling myself to write more on this novel for some time, but never quite get around to it. In a way I hope this will give myself more motivation to keep writing.
I'll post a paragraph weekly (I know, it's not a lot, but you've got to start somewhere), if it gets more traction I'll try to take more time to focus on writing more for you guys. As my novel is titled "When the road calls", each weekly post will be titled "When the road calls" followed by the paragraph #, that way rereading should be easier for all of you.
EDIT: some people have been asking me to post paragraphs more frequently than once a week. I'll try to post more often, but as I'm fairly busy in real life too and want to post quality content, I can not make any promises on this part!
I'm very much looking for constructive feedback (both positive and negative) as English isn't my native language and feedback is the only way I can grow as a writer.
PART #1
“Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Brussels airport.”
Relief, fear, disappointment, excitement, hope, worry, and much more -- it all starts to collide in my head.
“Local time is 7:30 AM and the temperature is 8 degrees Celsius.”
Belgium indeed. After one year of traveling I was back home. Back to a life I never felt was mine. Back to friends I slowly lost contact with. Most importantly perhaps, back to start a new chapter in life. A chapter where I want to find a way to be happy as a functioning part of society.
“On behalf of Condor Airlines and the entire crew, I’d like to thank you for joining us.”
Oh, how my teenage me would have despised that thought.
“See you soon and have a nice day.”
Everyone starts to exit the plane, in a rush to get to wherever they are going. To see a loved one perhaps? Eventually I leave my seat as well. While exiting, I give a slight absent-minded nod and smile to the stewardess at the aircraft’s door.
One last glance at the plane. Back in Belgium. I still don’t quite believe it.
Slowly, I make my way to the baggage carousel. There is no rush. I have nowhere to be. My headphones are on and between Bill Withers’s “Ain’t no sunshine” and Bazart’s “Chaos”, I hear a woman complaining ,in Dutch, to her presumed partner, about how I’m blocking her line of sight. She must’ve thought I was Costa Rican, considering my black hair, brown eyes, and tanned skin - in correlation with the plane we just exited. I turn around and politely tell her that she could just ask me and I would gladly make some room for her. Embarrassed, she mumbles an excuse and moves away.
Sigh, back in Belgium again.
After a minute, my patched-up bag arrives on the carousel. I grab it and head for the exit of the airport.
READ #2 HERE: https://steemit.com/travel/@martibis/when-the-road-calls-2
Great start to the novel can't wait to read more. Good Luck!!
Manually 40% UpVoted & Re-steemed! Yes, I do this personally, and not with a bot!
More about the Initiative here...
Remember To Vote
blueorgyfor witness!Thanks a lot, it's really appreciated!
Wow, what a great start to a novel. I'll definitely keep reading this :)
Great work, especially if English is not your first language...
Upvoted and followed :)
Thank you, glad to have you here! Looking forward to sharing more!
Looking forward to it!!
But yes, short bursts of that length (like once or twice a week) should be great!! Especially for people who don't spend hours on Steemit.
Looking forward to it :)
Good beginning, and great idea. I'll be following along.
Thank you, I appreciate the support!
Very Nice. Great late night read :-)
Up-voted :-)
RightWithin
Thank you, I hope I can surprise you with more of this!
Looking forward to read more about this and now I remember that I also should work on my own. Definitely one of motivation to continue my current story :D.
I think that the atmosphere is already well put there. I could already be able to form some sort of situation in my head also since English isn't your native language, you did a good job with the choice of words. Keep it up!
Well, if you do, definitely let me know, would love to read it!
Oh glad to hear that, I think it's so important that a reader can visualize everything inside his or her head, as it makes you feel connected with the story!
Stories about beginnings and endings... color me intrigued.
Glad to hear it, looking forward to keep on writing this novel! Looking forward to your input on the future parts!
This is really good! I felt like I was actually there!
Thank you, glad to hear you liked it, definitely tune in for more!
First of all, let me say that the structure of your writing is very good, especially if English isn't your first language. You set the melancholy mood of travel well, and your writing flows fairly pleasantly.
If I may suggest something though. Since this is the beginning of your story, I would recommend trying to start with some sort of "hook" or inciting incident to entice your readers from the beginning. Perhaps leading with with the bit about old lady thinking you didn't speak her language. Readers love a reversal. I would also make a few more paragraph breaks to make the writing flow even better.
This is a great beginning though. I would like to read more, I will follow and upvote. Thank you for taking the time to write this! Cheers!
Thank you for the comment, this is exactly the kind of feedback I'm looking for!
In that case would you simply drop the whole "landing in the plane"?
I tried to read it without the landing part and obviously some other things would have to change as well. I can see however how it would immediately catch the attention of the reader as there is some "action" going on from the get go!
Where would you add the paragraph breaks and why there? I'm fairly new to writing longer stories, so it's a genuine question!
Good to hear, looking forward to share more with you!
Its a pleasure. Steemit has been a great motivator on my own writing. I also have been getting a great deal of editing and peer reviews from comments as well as chatting with authors on Discord. If you want to know more, just let me know.
As far the "landing in the plane" part. Yes, I would keep it, but let it interrupt your thought about the old woman ( if you use that as your inciting incident in the beginning) This is just an idea of course. As far as breaking up dialogue and narration, perhaps some thing like this:
"Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Brussels airport."
Relief, fear, disappointment, excitement, hope, worry, and much more, it all starts to collide in my head.
“Local time is 7:30 AM and the temperature is 8 degrees Celsius."
Belgium indeed. After one year of traveling I was back home. Back to a life I never felt was mine. Back to friends I slowly lost contact with. Most importantly perhaps back to start a new chapter in life, a chapter where I want to find a way to be happy as a functioning part of society.
“On behalf of Condor Airlines and the entire crew, I’d like to thank you for joining us.”
Oh, how my teenage me would have despised that thought.
“See you soon and have a nice day.”
And so forth. It separates your protagonist from the hustle and bustle around him and helps the reader identify with him more. Sorry to make this such a long post. We do a lot of editing, my work included over at the Fiction Workshop on Discord. Its a lot of fun.
I think Steemit has the potential to create some very impressive authors and shake up the literary world, so I'm glad to see individuals such as yourself getting into the game. Feel free to contact me if you need any help. Our community loves reaching out to aspiring authors. Cheers!
Thanks again and yes I would definitely like to know more!
I see what you mean, it does indeed read a lot easier that way! I will update the post later to reflect those changes (on the phone now)!
EDIT: Updated it now, does it feel better like this?
Hell again! Yes, looking much better. I am also an amateur writer and have a lot left to learn. But the community over at the Fiction Workshop is very friendly and helpful. @rhondak made a great introductory post at
https://steemit.com/writing/@rhondak/the-msp-fiction-writers-workshop
I'll set a link directly to Discord here (the invite will expire in 1 day, I can always get you another one)
https://discord.gg/f4N6V
There is a bit of a learning curve, but most are willing to help out. I usually hang out in the Fiction Workshop section, @rhondak , @mk40 , @gmuxx are all great people and willing to direct you. Let me know if you have any questions. Cheers!
Congratulations @martibis! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click on any badge to view your own Board of Honor on SteemitBoard.
For more information about SteemitBoard, click here
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPVery well written, please continue to share more with us!
Thanks for the words of encouragement, there are 2 more parts up!