Incorruptible - Chapter 1 - Part 1steemCreated with Sketch.

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It was early morning and sleep evaded Nerani, as it often did. Long ago, he had learned that restlessly awaiting sleep to return was a futile endeavor, and so he silently slipped out of the apartment where his student still slept. Outside the door, a wide balcony ringed a large atrium. The cylindrical room had a dome shaped canopy that imitated the open sky. In the predawn hours, synthetic stars provided dim lighting to the facility below.

In no particular hurry, Nerani began walking slowly around the balcony, the highest of several terraces that wrapped around the lower third of the room. Each tier decreased in diameter and contained numerous small apartments that were occupied by the students and their Mentors. The sound of running water echoed through the chamber as a series of synthetic waterfalls rushed down the terraces and into a central pool that surrounded the vertical transit system. There were patches of green ivy growing over railings and walls. Other trees, shrubs and vines were scattered throughout the levels, providing a peaceful and varied environment.

Nerani was an old man. He had short, graying hair and a thin and well-maintained beard to match. His face was narrow and wrinkled with age. Thick eyebrows hooded his subtle green eyes, which sparkled with intellect and wisdom. Many Mentors were well on in years, but Nerani was numbered with the oldest serving and most successful Mentors in the Academy.

The old man’s thoughts wandered from subject to subject as he strolled around the walkway, hand resting on the railing for support. He had seen many decades in the Academy. A lifetime ago, he had been chosen to become a Literate by the Oracle. The Literate were a small subset of Malaki’s population that were dedicated to learning the past and passing on their knowledge to generations of Literate to come. As well as being highly educated themselves, the Literate were culture-keepers, the secret guardians of the long history of mankind. Nerani had applied himself diligently to the task.

Most Literate exclusively remained within the cycle, learning from and teaching other members of the guild. However occasionally, as with the ebb and flow of life, the need arose for a Literate to fill a vacancy at the Academy. Due to the sensitive nature of the Academy and its processes however, there was no discussion between the Academy Council and the Conclave as to whom was to fill the vacancy. Instead, the Council covertly transported the Literate they had chosen from the Conclave to the Academy with no advance notice.

Nerani was chosen. He recalled his alarm when late one night he returned to his apartment to encounter a squad of four armed Enforcers. Nerani briefly struggled against the intruders, but the Literate were a peaceful guild and thus his efforts were short lived. The enforcers responded swiftly and efficiently to his defiance, subduing him unyieldingly. They drugged and smuggled him covertly from the Conclave, away from those he had come to know as family.

When everything was explained upon his arrival at the Academy, Nerani was immediately aware of the acute responsibility that was being placed on his shoulders. However in his youth, he still harbored and nourished resentment toward the Academy for his abduction. His years as an Instructor were filled with frustration and anger, which he frequently vented on his students. Nerani was not a kind Instructor; he challenged his students in constructive but difficult ways and offered little assistance. His methods either produced strong-willed candidates who were willing to stand their ground or paved the way for unfortunate but necessary wash outs. Not every student survived their final years at the Academy, and Nerani had not cared if they did.

However, despite his brash temperament and hostility, Nerani continued to apply himself and excel at the task at hand. Over the years, he began to understand his students. Like him, he recognized, they had been taken from their families and called to a higher purpose. With comprehension came a profound enlightenment that changed him as a person. He began to see past the black and white facts and into the grays of his world. The newfound wisdom he discovered lended him compassion and empathy, traits that when fully developed allowed him to easily transition from the role of Instructor to the responsibility of Mentor.

Four generations he had mentored. Four generations of students who were either serving faithfully as Enforcers or were regrettably lost to the intense training and preparation that they endured. A Mentor’s call was to guide the students through their youth and prepare them for the bitter work ahead. Nerani had equipped his students as well as he could, but not every casualty can be prevented. His heart did not carry the burden of those lost.

As he was nearing the completion of the circuit, Nerani spotted a boy sitting against the wall next to his apartment. He immediately recognized the boy as Garai, his young charge. As he approached, Garai noticed him returning and clambered to his feet. The boy ran quickly toward him and Nerani immediately knew he was troubled. Garai wrapped himself around Nerani’s legs tightly. He was trembling.

“I- I couldn’t find you. I was scared.”

Nerani placed his hands on the boy’s shoulders to comfort him.

“Was it the nightmares again?”

Garai nodded, his striking blue eyes brimming with tears.

“Shhh, shhh. It’s okay now. You’re okay.” Nerani picked up Garai and held him tightly as he walked back toward their apartment. The door slid back effortlessly at Nerani’s prompting, allowing him access. He made his way to the alcove where their beds were located and set Garai down gently on his.

“Come now, let’s go back to sleep. Both of us. We have a busy day ahead.”

Garai nodded and crawled back into bed hesitantly. Nerani likewise eased himself onto his mattress and laid down, pulling the sheets over himself. He reached out to a display on the wall between the beds and dimmed the lights until they turned off. Several minutes passed in stillness before Nerani felt a tug at the comforter as Garai slowly climbed his way into the bed beside him. “No regrets,” Nerani thought as he sighed softly and slipped back to sleep.

● ● ●

Dawn came soon, and life in the Academy started early. A series of tones repeated several times, preceding the morning wake up call. Nerani slowly sat up on the edge of his bed and Garai rubbed his eyes as the notes roused them from sleep.

“Good morning,” a bright, feminine voice rang over the communication system in their apartment. “The date is 20 March 2375, weather clear and temperature 23 degrees and rising. It’s going to be a beautiful day.”

“Thank you Sarai.”

“Of course Master Nerani. Is there anything I can do for you this morning?” the woman inquired politely.

“Oh, nothing unusual,” Nerani replied. “Transfer the daily curriculum to my datapad and un-shutter the windows, please.”

At his request, the dark, opaque wall at the back of the apartment became transparent, revealing the beautiful landscape far below. Low hanging clouds on the horizon were painted with brilliant red, orange and purple hues. It was not long before the first rays of daylight broke over the flatlands beyond the Akani mountains, far to the east. Nerani and Garai lingered for a few minutes and watched the sunrise.

The apartment that Garai and Nerani shared had almost no interior walls or divisions of any kind, essentially making it one large room. The two beds where they sat were slightly recessed into the left wall near the window, extending out into the room. Across from them, a desk was likewise tucked within an alcove in the wall. There was a small but fully furnished kitchen located between the beds and the narrow hallway that led to the exit of the apartment. Within that hallway, a large closet and a single occupancy bathroom were located along the right wall.

Nerani thanked and dismissed Sarai. He stood and made his way into the kitchen to prepare the morning meal. Garai remained seated in Nerani’s bed, half tucked underneath the blanket.

“What are we learning today, Nani?” the boy asked curiously.

“I haven’t looked yet. Now get out of bed and wash up, I’ll have breakfast ready by the time you’re done,” Nerani chided.

Garai hopped out of bed and trundled across the apartment, stopping to grab his uniform before heading into the bathroom. True to his word, Nerani finished preparing their meal as Garai exited the bathroom in full uniform, brown hair still dripping wet and bed clothes in hand. “Come here,” Nerani chuckled, grabbing a small towel from a drawer below the countertop. He briskly rubbed Garai’s head, drying his hair.

“There. That’s better.”

● ● ●

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At last a post I can upvote, since I came to you a bit late.

I've read all your posts upto now and if what is promised stays true, you are a talented writer; not only creative and good at bringing characters to life, but also careful in your use of words. Many otherwise talented writers failed because they get sloppy in their use of the language.

For those of us who do not have an editor and proofreaders, our problem is in seeing/identifying our mistakes. I find that when I re-read, because I know what I intended saying, I do not spot my errors. Even after re-reading for the tenth time, I still discover errors.

Which brings me to a question: Would you take kindly to errors or possible errors being pointed out? For those I help this way, I make my comment and as soon as the poster lets me know (as long as the Edit button still works), I respond by deleting my comment and replace it with a comment on the story or...whatever alse comes to mind.

One further comment: Please do not feel you must reciprocate by reading my posts. I would prefer you concentrate on your own story (I started writing mine in 1999, finished the first book of 700 pages within 6 months and just carried on). I am now writing Book 14, but mostly concentrating on posting, as I do not expect to live long enough to finish the latest book and I want as many of the 13 to be on blockchain), so I will not be distracted by reading your story - whereas, if you were to like mine, you would get distracted, and I do not want to place your story at risk.

Hey Arthur!

The next part is up, I would appreciate your feedback :) Incorruptible - Chapter 1 - Part 2

Thanks in advance!

~ Mako

PS: I just realised and was amused.

You are Mako and you made your pen name makowrites

I, as Arthur, added, "writes" in Greek, which is grafo.

So, we were thinking along similar lines.
:)

You'll be even more amused when you find out that I made my full pen name "Mako Rhyt" which is both a play on "write" and my surname.

I think I'm more clever than I am xD

~ Mako

Hey Arthur,

Many people have lent their voices and criticism to my work over the decade I've been working on it, so I would gladly welcome one more from someone who is much more seasoned than I.

As for your work, I don't intend (at the moment) to write a second novel as this one has taken far too long for my taste. I just want to share it with the world and get back to my love of analyzing and critiquing a good story. So, when I'm done I would be more than happy to reciprocate by reading your work.

As they say in the Great City, krath kuro an'het, thanks in advance!

~ Mako

Quoting the Great City, many may think it is just a marketing technique, but I think you are like me - you live in the world you created.

For instance, I said to my sister that I said xxx to Samantha and she responded, yyy. There was a silence for a moment and then she said, in a slightly worried voice, "Alex, you do know that Samantha is just an imaginary person?" 48 hours later and it stilll makes me chuckle.

I live in a lot of fictional universes, if I'm honest. When I find a story that captivates me, I become invested into the picture beyond the picture frame. Halo, Avatar, Inheritance, Destiny, all stories that become so much more interesting by what's hidden in the margins.

~ Mako

When I saw the title "Incorruptible", I decided to look and read it. I was thinking of incorrupt bodies that I read about the Saints.

When I read these lines:

“The date is 20 March 2375, weather clear and temperature 23 degrees and rising. It’s going to be a beautiful day.”

Indeed its in the science fiction category.

Its only in the Part 1 of Chapter 1 but I found it interesting, particulary to Nerani, a gray hair bearded old man.
I actually love reading about old men especially the hermits.

I would love reading the Part 2 of Chapter 1 @makowrites.
And up to the end!

Thank you for your kind words! Stick around, the story is only just beginning!

~ Mako

Oh yeah!
I'm waiting for the next part and next chapter as well. But take your time Mako. I'm excited!

Main installments will be releasing on Fridays, make sure to follow to stay up to date!

~ Mako

Hi makowrites,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

Thanks again guys! Always makes my day and inspires me to keep doing what I’m doing.

~ Mako

I like nerani an old man and also mentor for his team as the main character :-)

Thats a real fantastic fiction story @makowrites, i love to read here this fantasy and fiction storys from "newcomers" with fresh ideas.

Very well written and therefore very well deserved upvotes !

Greetings from Germany :-)

Greetings!

I think you’ll be quite intrigued to continue reading, we will learn more about Nerani in the next two parts.

As they say in Malaki, ath sh’hane, well met!

~ Mako

Oh great :-) im looking forward to read some more later 😀

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It looks very intriguing :). Very glad I stumbled upon Your novel at the very beginning. He already hooked me and I want to know about what will happen next :). I hope that the continuation will not make me to wait long. Thank you @makowrites !

Thank you, I'm glad you've been reading since the beginning! Next part will be next Friday, so stay tuned :)

~ Mako

This is splendid, I noticed you did a whole lot trying to describe the scene of your prose fiction, the way you used literary devices to narrate the sequence of nature that surrounded Nerani was just too amazing.
I love the fact that you started the story at the climax where Nerani was and then anti climaxed backed to when he was abducted to be a literate instructor as well. It showed how crafty you were with your story line.
It's beautifully written, I feel the way Nerani was abducted was the reason why he was an unkind teacher, however the way he dealt with Garai may have suggested h has a kind heart within.
I love it buddy, awesomely written

Thank you very much! Stay tuned, the story is only just beginning and I’ve got a lot of surprises in store for you all.

~ Mako

Splendid buddy, I definitely can't wait to be thrilled.

An interesting read, and a good start. I am left wanting for more! One passage struck me in particular:

The Literate were a small subset of Malaki’s population that were dedicated to learning the past and passing on their knowledge to generations of Literate to come. As well as being highly educated themselves, the Literate were culture-keepers, the secret guardians of the long history of mankind.

Never anything to be concerned about when thinking of secretive societies that are the keepers of human history and culture! I'll be watching for the next entry. Thank you @makowrites

Make sure to go back and hit the prologue (part 1 and part 2), there’s a little bit more exposition done there to help introduce the main players.

~ Mako

Done and done. I can only wonder what twisted and sinister truths will be revealed. Good work.

Really nice stuff @makowrites, liking this universe so far! :-)

Cg

I'm missing a lot of elements here that it's too early to say I like the first chapter. Your writing is good but I'm not seeing how heavy the consequence is for the protagonist if they disobey or the rewards if they do. The conflict is there but not as convincing enough for me. But its the first chapter so I'm guessing more tension and meaning will be built later on. :D

Congratulations on the curie upvote!

Hello!

Thanks for the feedback, I have a lot in store still :) I can safely say that the Prologue through Chapter 4 are mostly character development and setting, establishing the mechanics of the main character's environment. The rising action starts around Chapter 5.

I hope you stick around, new parts release on Fridays at 16:00 Pacific!

~ Mako

Thank you for sharing your story @makowrites, teh description is done very well, a lot of details, I believe it really good for example to listen in the car when you drive like audio-books. This is sometimes important to get your imagination work and to create a picture in your mind. I love hte character that old mentor, who has the wisdom that he collected with years. he seems to be very caring person too. Very well done,

Cheers, from Art-supporting blog @art-venture
Mag-1a.jpg

Thank you for reading! Hopefully you’ll enjoy what is to come.

~ Mako

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