ARRANGED MARRIAGE : A STORY FROM THE INSIDE
I got married last year September 2016. Let's start a little back and move on forward . As a Pakistani , we do not have much of a choice of who we want to marry or if we are already in love with someone . I was brought to Pakistan to get married , which I never knew. It was an arranged marriage with a guy that I've never met before . This was done through a bureau that arranged marriages , parents hand a file of their children there and people come to view the file . Once I met his family they said they would call back and let us know . I was an American Citizen and he was a guy living in Pakistan.
Once my father received the call back , they had said yes . I questioned myself of why would they want to marry a depressed girl , that question still wonders in my head. Only my father and I were there then, my mother booked the next ticket to Pakistan and arrived to meet the family to set the date . The wedding was decided 2 weeks later. I was sad . I was raised in American where everyone marriages who they love or who they desire, it was not the case for me . I knew I had to give up everything now and just do it for my families happiness , I had no other way out .
I met my husband the day of our marriage (during our marriage) I had no thoughts or words of expression left . Our 3 day marriage ended and that's where our life began. First couple of weeks we began to know each other, let me tell you one thing ... we fought everyday because of our differences . An American girl with a Pakistani guy , two different sides of the world joined together. We fought and fought to try to understand each other .. but one day I just gave up fighting .. gave up believing .. that's when things began to change, I had to ignore things because that's what females have to do( as my parents say) .. I had to hide and cry .. but let me tell you one thing , I became strong from this , I no longer believe in people . I just go with the flow. Now I am back here and he's still in Pakistan waiting to come here for the past couple of months, I am having his baby which makes me change because I want to do everything for this baby, not for anyone else . I want my happiness back and this will be my happiness..
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We still talk here and there but we fight .. I'm hoping once he's here , things will change .. what else can I do but to keep hope . I hope one day I will be happy !
Wow! I admire you for sharing this very personal post. Please try your best for your own happiness... even if that means not going according to the culture. You seem like a person who's in touch with herself so I'm sure you know what's best for you. My boyfriend is Albanian and initally his parents were against it cus im puertorican. But he went against that to be with me and now his parents saw that's what made him happy and now they support us.
I'm really happy to hear that it worked out for you guys , guys can always get their way not girls. Stay happy , and God bless
Your story left me without words. I'm sure a lot of us had heard about arranged marriages but this is the first time I can understand this much. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I'm sure your baby will turn things for the better. The love of a mother is something that can change lives. I wish I could do more but my upvote is all I can give u.
It's been tough , but I'm fighting battles with myself to be happy for the sake of the baby . I hope everyone's prayers and wishes come true that's all I'll need. Thanks for your support (:
Wow. This story left me speechless. I can't imagine going through something like this. How is everything now? Is everything okay? I've heard about arranged marriages. I can imagine it being difficult, especially for an American who've been brought up in America culture. I hope all will be okay and with the baby. Thank you for sharing this story with us. Take care
Things are alright he's not here yet , still in Pakistan . My baby will be here next month so I'm hoping that will be my happiness . Thank you !
I hope all will be okay. You and the baby take care. Do you know if it's a boy or girl?
Boy (:
That's exciting! :) Do you have a name for him? Or is it a surprise
That surprise I'll share next month (:
Can't wait! Tell the baby I said hi. lol
:D 🙏🏽
Thanks for sharing your personal, vulnerable story. It sounds like a very difficult situation because of such different cultures. Hang in there and I wish you, your baby and your family the best. My old roommate (white boy American) met a girl from Pakistan and they spoke for years online. He was determined to be with her. He went to Pakistan, converted to Muslim and married her there. They now live in California. He had to fight fore her citizenship because you know how our country is when it comes to anything like this. They are happy together and in love. Best wishes.
Thank you so much for the wishes
Thank you very much dear friend for sharing this very personal post, very interesting, is to reflect on the subject.
Have a great day
Thanks for your support always !
This sounds like a horror story. At least you will have the baby to love and to bring love to your life.
well you look like a nice couple however I spent a couple years living in india, met many families, attended many weddings and so I know those "looks" can be very deceiving. it's the same everywhere. Seems nearly everyone is pretending to be happy because everyone else around them seems to be so well adjusted to the lunacy of life on this planet. It's good you have some time apart to process your situation and to think for yourself. Children can make just about any relationship tolerable but what's the point of life if all you can do is tolerate it? Soo here's my two cents worth of advice.
Making this relationship work is NOT your responsibility however it IS within your power to do so. You do not accomplish this giving in and being the good wife, this just makes you "tolerable" to him and generally will make life increasingly intolerable for you. This is healthy for no one, least of all your child. So what to do?
Listening is an all but lost art on this planet however the benefits of truly listening to others can not be calculated. The art of listening is can be simply put as placing your whole attention on every word coming from your partners mouth in an effort to understand what it is they are saying, the whole concept, the big picture, but to do accomplish this you must CLEAR YOUR MIND of all REACTIONto his words.
So if he says something and you think to yourself, "oh yes this is true, i agree" or "no he's crazy, what is this nonsense coming from his mouth", Then YOU are NOT LISTENING, you are reacting, you are responding, you are attempting to frame his words within your comfort zone of what is acceptable and not acceptable. To truly listen to someone and really understand where they are coming from, you must listen and listen only. Any thoughts that arise as a response to his words are a distraction, interference. as you develope this skill you will begin to see everyone differently, and whats more they will see you differently. it's such a rare thing that when someone discovers a person who can truly listend, then there ability to listen TO YOU rises to match yours and then the real magic happens. The outcome who can say but what is sure is you will both be better people for it, happier people for it. If you would like to know more i suggest looking up Krishnamurti on Youtube.
Thanks for taking time out to reply here . I agree , happiness is literally faked or created in front of others just so we don't have comments coming back to you and it's always about listening to one another instead of not letting the other person talk and have your say, that's why I just stay quiet and listen
Great post! I love seeing things like this that really show personal parts of people lives...which can be hard to see most the time.
Definitely worth my FULL upvote! :D
I'd like you to read part 2( deeper thoughts) and tell me how you feel
https://steemit.com/writing/@journeyoflife/arranged-marriage-a-story-from-the-inside-part-2-deeper-thoughts
Thank you so much for showing lots of Love :D
Hope everything gets better in your life after your baby's arrival..all the best for your future
Please share more... Sharing information that we hold inside is usually a good coping method and helps trying to figure out ways to understand Life. It is very confusing for all of us in all cultures, I hope the best wishes for you and your new family and hopefully you guys can find peace in each other...
Nice looking couple, I'm sure its difficult but I'm sure you guys can learn to enjoy each other as well. Never know what is next in life... but be strong and find what makes you happy:)
Thank you so much for the wishes , I do hope to share more on here one day