Why Girls Are Attracted To The "Bad Guy"
"WHAT?!? . . . why is she falling for HIM?!?! It makes NO sense!" << This statement prompted a huge conversation with a group of male and female friends one night. What came out of that conversion was interesting.
Disclaimer:
There is NO one-size-fits-all on how attraction/love operate, but there are certain patterns to be aware of that might help "Good Guys" catch the eye of more women. Of course, there is a lot more psychology (and probably biology) involved in attraction, but for the purposes of this post, I want to deconstruct the female attraction factor to the iconic "Bad Guy"
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Animal Instinct
While the human race is a sophisticated being, deep inside we still have animal instincts that play a part on hormone responses when it comes to reproduction. To oversimplify: men are seeking child-bearing women and women are seeking men that can protect them (and their children).
The levels of masculinity and femininity, and their roles in attraction, vary from person to person. That is a topic for another post.
Bad Guy Traits
Pulling out a few of the cliche "Bad Guy" traits, he really does demonstrate the protector trait that women find attractive:
- Confident and assertive
- Fights those that oppose him
The "Bad Guy" signals that he can protect his family, but (obviously) it takes more than attraction to have a quality partner for a good relationship. Yes, physical appearance, intelligence, and several characteristics of personality can also be attractive. Again, for the purposes of this post, I'm just zoning in on the 'protection' trait.
The Smart "Good Guy"
There are plenty of "Good Guys" that are confident, assertive, and will fight for their families (and what they believe in). Thank god! . . . but, there are OTHER ways to demonstrate protection. Besides being able to fight-off dangers, protection can also be provided by having money, being intelligent, or having a broad network of friends/family for support.
I feel that if more men demonstrated confidence (not arrogance), assertiveness, and their particular ability to protect, more women would be attracted. True, a handsome man will have more women 'checking him out' (the same is true for a beautiful woman), but it doesn't take long for a woman to figure out if she's still interested.
I Am Not A Psychologist
This is a LOADED topic on attraction/relationships, but the insights I gleaned from the group conversation with my friends made sense to me. I'd love for readers to comment and share their perspective on this topic in order to further the discovery. Ladies, do you agree with me? Men, do you have any thoughts on this?
Maybe someone will write a post explaining why men are attracted to the iconic "Prom Queen"??
Very Articulate! I think we are all attracted to archetypes - how could we not? It's drilled into us from the very first fairy tale we hear. I am doing my writing mostly here nowadays - should you be interested: https://castbox.fm/channel/A-Well-Run-Life-id334572?country=us
Thank you for your comment, @awellrunlife. I appreciate your thoughts.
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Thank you!
This is your friendly neighborhood proofreader...
(Don't worry; I tend to do this for all my friends!) ;)
I think you meant "seeking?" :D
I'm always happy when I "catch" these for friends while they still have edit access to their articles... ;)
😄😇😄
BTW, great article... as one of the "good guys," this has always bothered me...
One of the big problems is that genuine confidence and assertiveness usually comes to "good guys" honestly, i.e. after some time of authentic development of skills and abilities. I remember as a young man being very introverted and short on confidence. These things came much later in life. I had to first master the design and engineering skills that only come with experience.
And so, a young "good guy" may well be hampered by honesty in that he simply isn't quite there yet.
Maybe I've just made a great argument for marrying later in life.... ;)
Thank you for catching that typo, @creatr! I hate those and pleased I was able to fix it within the edit window.
I think confidence is hard for young adults in general. It wasn't until I was in my late twenties that I found my assertiveness, either.
As a friend to many "Good Guys" over the years, it was heartbreaking not to be able to shed light on why they were not attractive to more women. I didn't really know. From my perspective, they WERE the better choice by far - however, I was only able to put them in the 'friend' category as there was no attraction. I agree with you that internal skill development takes time, but I think it would help if more men at least knew what they should focus on.
I appreciate your comment
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You know - I have at times wondered how some pair-ups (where one partner or another is clearly toxic) came about - but have never been able to put my finger on it. That and I currently don't really feel well-placed to talk about it either.
As such I found the contents of this article refreshing to read @jannell - having provided quite a bit of food for thought. Thanks. :c)
Thanks for your comment! I did struggle with whether to even write a post about the conversation (and my take-away from it) - I certainly don't have any authority when it comes to psychology of relationships. BUT, I thought it was an interesting concept and wanted to share. Glad you liked it.
You are welcome @jannell. :c)
It is certainly important to tread lightly in one's words in some matters - but this is different from not treading at all - and so I am glad that you chose to touch upon this topic.
Fortunately one does not need to be an authority to weigh in upon such topics - this we ought also to be thankful for as the World would be a far poorer place if only the certified and empowered made themselves heard. :c)
So true! Thank you for taking that perspective.
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STOPAnother great post. I was always interested in this growing up because I was the definition of a "good guy". I'm also interested in how humour plays such an important role in attraction.
Thanks, Travis :) I do think humour plays a role. I think it sheds light on how serious someone takes themselves and the rest of the world. I dated a guy once that could absolutely not take a joke about himself. He would get defensive and/or shut-down. It was a turn-off. Being able to find the fun in any situation is important.
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