It's @stinawog's birthday -5minutefreewrite (x3) Comedy Open Mic 43

"To help you get better, more coordinated, I have a plan for you." The voice was like nails on a chalkboard to his ears and all he wanted was to find a way out of there.

He wanted to return home to his wife, whose dulcet tones delighted his ears and made every moment apart from her a heart and earache. He had gotten so used to his wife's voice that to be without it was agony, but this witch had ensorceled her. Ensorcelled. Huh. The chrome dictionary should really know that word.

Oh no! Did I lose my rhythm?! thought the author of this piece? It doesn't matter, because the author's mind is entirely on his wife as well. She's @stinawog and today is her birthday. The world makes sense only because she's in it.

Here's how it works. There was a giant bang. Let's call it a big bang. Anyways, so there was this big bang, and then there were all the pieces of the universe, and they were split into two groups: the pieces that were one day going to become a part of @stinawog, and the pieces that weren't. The pieces that weren't (including energy and stuff) were like, OH NO, we need to get together with the pieces that are. And so from that desire to in some way be connected to Stina, the first attractive forces formed. Positive and negative charges developed to help lonely electrons who weren't going to be part of Stina connect with positively charged bits that were, and vice versa. Some of the bits thought gravity would be a good idea, and, even though it wasn't very strong, it still connected them to other bits even if they were very far away.

Hundreds of gulls hovered inches above my head, making their shrill repetitive cries.

They also wanted to be a part of Stina, and they didn't know how to use the Strong OR Weak Nuclear forces. So instead they tangled themselves into her essence with their voices. They knew I'd take their sounds into myself, it would vibrate some of me, and those vibrations would become entangled with her vibrations. Thank goodness there are so many ways to connect to Stina. No one is left out. We're all entangled with her. And this is the reason anything exists.

Right now she's enjoying the newspaper and a cup of coffee. She's very good at enjoying those two things. It is inspiring to watch her take care of herself with coffee and quiet reading. She holds the stressors of the day at bay. Is it not stressors? It's stressers? No. It's neither thinks the Chrome spelling check. Botherall and botheration. It doesn't know Botherall either? But it does know Botheration?

Chrome. You have a lot to learn about how I use language. Maybe @stinawog can teach you. She understands everything. She knows everything. We try not to tease her about her omniscience, but it's hard not to. When you know everything about everything you begin to feel self-conscious about how little others know. I, for example, never know where I left that thing. You know, that thing? And she does.

Her arm broke. Ha ha just kidding. Her arm broke is just another way of saying everything around her arm broke. Like, nothing about her is broken. It's the world that's broken. Nonetheless, she felt the pain of the world breaking around her arm, so we took the arm to a hospital to get a cast put on it. I suspect that the elements of the cast conspired to break the world around her arm so that she would allow them to be close to her for so long. To, essentially, become a part of her. The elements in the cast were all elements from the big bang who had been separated into the "not a part of @stinawog" group. And that was sad for them, but, seeing as they were willing to go to such dastardly ends, once they found themselves in the same vicinity as her, relative to the rest of the cosmos, they maybe deserved to not be a part of her. Dastardly. But perhaps I'm being harsh. Perhaps they were not the ones responsible, and if not, I apologize profusely, because they helped heal the world around her arm.

I nominate @princegazardiel and @mariannewest to say nice things in a funny way about @stinawog today!

For https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/the-weekend-freewrite-12-22-2018-part-3-the-dramatic-twist