Parents fighting over custody is sad (real life story)
This isn't my story, but it is the story of someone that I have known for over 20 years. I realize that people split up... such is life. I know that I have split up with everyone I have ever dated but fortunately there weren't any children involved. I'll tell you a little story about a friend of mine, and we'll just call him Rick.
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Rick and his girlfriend were together for a long time. When i visited them in New York they were as you would expect - quite happy with one another. They were enjoying one another's company, doing fun things, and then they became financially co-dependent when they decided to split the cost of buying a house (it's NYC, so they probably had no other choice.) Somewhere along the line they had a child and for whatever reason, things fell apart shortly thereafter.
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I like Rick, I liked his ex-girlfriend and actually ran into her once when I was visiting Rick and he had to pick up his daughter from his ex. She was nice to me but i could tell that she was very uncomfortable. Her and Rick HATE eachother and unfortunately a lot of this is extending to their daughter. While they do try to never bad mouth the other in front of their child (i can only attest to this being true on Rick's behalf) they do harm her in other ways. They are competing, financially, for her affection. The amount of money that both of them spend on trying to out-do the other is exhausting to watch. And this is not even the worst part. Because they hate one another and any (i do mean ANY) conversation between them erupts into a heated argument, they refuse to work with counselors or arbitrators. They are going to go to court rather than share custody.
Even though they both agree that the other person is, in fact, a great parent, they hate one another so much that they want to hurt them by trying to make it legally impossible for them to see the child. This has been going on since their daughter was 4, she turns 9 this year. If you split her away from her other parent now... do you really think that there is not going to be any sort of backlash?
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The only winners in this debacle are the lawyers. Both Rick and his ex have had to declare bankruptcy and go deeply into dept to pay the absolutely absurd legal fees they rack up by not simply being able to agree to work together for what is best for their daughter.
I have a hard time relating to this. I understand that you hate eachother, but you DO love your daughter don't you? The daughter really loves both of them so why would you even consider taking that away from her? What's next? Get her a kitten and then 2 years later murder it?
Perhaps I am not the right person to be judging this because I don't have any kids, but i do care about kids (and people in general) to know that removing something they love from their life can not possibly be a good solution. This is all so petty and once you take the child out of the situation both Rick and his ex are financially ruined because of it. Good job idiots!
When I last spoke to Rick about this he said something along the lines of "its gone WAAY to far to turn back now." Sad.
I am commenting as someone who had to sacrifice a decade without my children because I understood the dynamics of co parenting. Sadly, the father didn't understand them so he denied me a relationship with them then but when they moved back with me, they were shocked that I insisted that they continue their relationship with their dad and so was he.
I believe that my children wellbeing comes first and if there is a healthy relationship between them, why spoil it? I wonder why everyone can't just part without involving the kids or kid. Anyway, I feel sorry for your friend and his daughter.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I am sure it was very tragic and sad :(
It was but here we are! Things change and when you are patient they bring good tides :)
I agree and I disagree. Sometimes you dont know what goes on behind closed doors. For all you know Rick could seem rather nice but suffer from boarderline personality disorder and the kid needs protection, but these people are such good liars that it takes years and years to prove things. Till then they will make ur life hell along with the kids and to the outsider it can look like tit for tat. I can assure you, when things go on like that for so long, it's because ONE of them is sick in the head, not two!
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for the sake of not giving away money to lawyers I hope you are right. From what i see it looks like a massive waste of money though.
Some people get lost somewhere in their relationship I find that making sure you dont go to bed angry at each other, no matter what happens, its the best way to make sure you are always on the same level in the relationship.
The child should come first even though its hard nothing else matters more
They need to go on the Dr. Phil show. He will have some pretty blunt advice for them. I seriously used to hate Dr. Phil, but after watching him a few times and asking my wife if what he was saying was BS, I have determined that he is actually pretty good at what he does. Or used to do. As a talk show host he pretty much just passes his guests off to someone else for the hard work. You are very right though. They need to stop acting like children and co parent the kid.
Dr. Phil and Judge Judy could get this sorted out in an hour.
With a separation, the children always suffer. Today, more and more couples are divorced. That's such a pity. We humans are not made to be man and woman for life. In the fewest cases that works.
I really love this story it is an interesting one. Such Is life you won't know what is valuable to you until you lose it. They should one way try not to make the little girl unhappy at that tender age but to always show her love that they would always be there for her. Not to use their presence situation to affect the little girl.
They surrendered to the feeling of mutual hatred before giving in to their daughter's love!
I don't think that they r enough adult to have a kid or even live together. All they had to do was that they would reach an agreement then split up. As for their kid's future, they should have done what necessary as if they r together. There is no need to affect a kid's psychology in a bad way because it will affect her teeanage or perhaps adult life.
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It is incredible everything that unites unknown in the world around us thanks for sharing this story by reading you in what I can friend.
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