The Betrayal
Source
It’s been a long day – one of the many days Marie hates her job as a banker. She was on her feet for most part of the day, trying to be as fast as possible to attend to the impatient customers and also being careful not to make any mistakes. The last time she overpaid a customer, it cost her $1,000 from her salary and a query. She’s planning her exit, but not until she gets a better job.
As she steps into her car to drive home, her phone rings. The caller is Tim – he is her fiancé. “Hello baby,” she picks up. His baritone voice suddenly makes her day right. He’s calling to check up on her. She is happy. She zooms off, singing along to Mariah Carrey’s “Always Be My Baby” playing on the stereo.
Her car begins to make a weird sound. She can feel the tyres slowly stopping. She manages to move to the side of the road before the car goes off. “Not now!” she exclaims. She doesn’t know much about cars. After pacing around for a few minutes, she picks her phone and dials Tim’s number. He isn’t picking up. She’s stranded.
It’s 7pm, getting a mechanic will be difficult. She remembers that her best friend Lucy lives not too far from the vicinity. She’ll go pass the night at her place, and come for her car the next day.
The front door of Lucy’s apartment is open. “Lucy,” she calls out as she steps in. She finds her way upstairs. As she opens the door to the bedroom, she finds Lucy in bed, and right beside her, is Tim. They are both naked.
Wordcount: 281
And what Marie did with naked lovers?)
100% upvote for anyone who could think of a scene where she strips and jumps in with them. Not too “steemy” though... LOL
CONTINUED... @swissclive
Her mouth hangs open in shock. She can swear that she’s dreaming. She has never seen Lucy and Tim in bed before, let alone naked. Standing away from each other, they both stare at her, searching for the right words to say. “Baby it’s not what you think,” Tim breaks the silence. Lucy interrupts him with her own apologies. They both begin a running commentary of what just happened.
The shock on Marie’s face fades away, and a mysterious smile comes on. She takes a deep breath, flips her hair to the side and strikes a sexy pose like a Model at the front stage of the runway. Her smile becomes broader. She has always fantasised about having a three-some but was never bold enough to make it happen. This is her chance.
“When life throws oranges at you, you make lemonade,” Marie says in a seductive manner. Tim and Lucy steal glances at each other, unsure of what she meant. She takes of her black shoes. And soon, her brown skirt and jacket are next to the shoes on the floor. Left in a G-string red panties and white camisole, she moves to the bed in a slow-motioned catwalk. Tim and Lucy stand still, trying to figure out if she is serious. “Don’t keep me waiting,” she says, beckoning on Tim and Lucy. She begins to run her hands all over Tim in an attempt to make him comfortable. Soon, he begins to return her touches – his strokes, even harder. Convinced by what she’s seeing, Lucy takes position in bed. Tim is faced with the huge task of taking both women to cloud nine….
"They are both naked......"
Marie's jaw drops! She's surprised to see her fiance in bed with her best friend. Her mind tells her that she should feel bad that her fiance is cheating on her but she doesn't feel bad. Instead, she's turned on. She can feel the buzz throughout her body and how she finds it so hot that her fiance is with another female. And in no time she finds herself naked and in bed with Lucy and her fiance. And this is how what would normally be called as cheating turned into an incident which made her aware of herself being a cuckqueen (When a female is a cuckold)
Thanks for the effort @gisco.
I have read your story.
And i think you could have done better with the plot construction.
Indeed, the cheat card for a short story, due to a word ceiling/limit, is to construct a plot around the 'main action'. I try to do this all the time, and it seems to work for my stories. You might want to try.
One particular way yours could have played out is around that moment when Marie catches Lucy with Tim in bed
The drama of that moment, had you somehow delved into it, but especially the mystery leading to it, had you made it a lot more suspenseful, would have made your story a more interesting read.
But you narrate well. I am sure you will improve more. Thanks
Thank you.
Pleasure is mine
What a good story. I loved it. Given the 300 word limit you could have fitted more in about the main plot by dropping info about her job and focussing instead on her relationship with Tim. With a few more words available, Tim might have had time to hide in the cupboard.
Voted
Thank you @swissclive.