Discussions continued. RE: Akiroq and Logiczombie

This is a response to a post conversation between @akiroq and @logiczombie.

Photography by @akiroq, Pixabay

This is an interesting video that @logiczombie shared, for various reasons. I'll touch on my thoughts regarding it, then I will answer the question.

The very first thing that pops out at me, is how embedded and acceptable it is to LIE, when the internal response is opposite the outward response. Notice how there is absolutely no acknowledgment that this is wrong.

I propose the question then, who is actually validating in this sense?

If I am uncomfortable, do not like the statement, for whatever reason(s), and I mold my response to one which is geared towards appeasement, and not the truth, I see the potential for negative impact on both the person lying, as well as the person receiving the lie, because it does not give the receiver good/productive information to work with in the future, and the person lying may encumber some serious negative self talk/feelings if they feel negative/guilty about molding the response in a dishonest way.

The societal implications of this is entirely, another conversation.

The question

What do you think? Would you rather that someone say 1)Thank you for your service or 2)I can't imagine what you've been through? How does "Thank you for your service" make you feel?

Since I feel that I am in tune with reading body language very well, how I feel in these moments is entirely based on the person who is conveying this message to me.

And my response is oftentimes dictated by my intuitive conclusion, which of course is a fallacy in thinking that I am working on, even though I feel I'm very well grounded in my reasoning. If I can recognize that I am not always consistent with my response/reaction, then I must admit that I am jeopardizing my integrity, my morals, based on fear. Fear that the response will not be one that I like, based on a conclusion that I have molded in my mind, that I have little evidence to prove is accurate. This type of thinking seems to be common with veterans in my experience, and aside from dishonest response, I can recognize it as avoidance. Not avoidance of the topic, but avoidance of confrontation/disagreement, whereas, the veteran feels they would be arguing/debating with someone who has no idea what they are talking about, because they haven't experienced it.

If the person stating this is genuine, then my response is going to be genuine. If I feel the person stating it is doing so as a "cookie cutter", conformity based thing, with no emotion, I just say "thanks" and leave it at that.. Is it dishonest, or just a willingness to not further address the topic?

If genuine (intuitive conclusion) my response is:

"I don't feel society really appreciates it."

Why is this my response to the genuine person?

Because I know they will ask why, and likely be interested in hearing what I have to say.

So when they ask, I explain it to them.

I would not rather have someone say "I can't imagine what you've been through." Because I feel that I am going to know if they are genuine or not. In this case, I really don't care what they say, I am reading the person, not the statement..

The rate of homelessness and addiction with veterans is also exceedingly high, and continues as a growing problem. I can't tell you how many young men and women go into the service with a host of issues to begin with.

I don't think most 18 year old's actually want to join a mass murder club, but things like "patriotism" and "glorification" of military life is a great tool to confuse and cover up the harsh truth. Couple the societal manipulation with kids coming out of broken households, and a government which turns a blind eye to obvious damaged children, because they are nothing more than a pawn in the murder machine, and it's not surprising to me to see this problem getting exponentially worse for the veterans when they are discharged.

I don't like to mix politics in with psychology, but in this case, it's hard to not look at the political/societal implications of how veterans feel, in culmination of how they respond to these "socially acceptable" blanket statements which are made to help them feel better, or understood in the moment. Someone who's been forced to live a hyper-vigilant life will see right through this..

And what are the implications of not speaking up!?

• The vet might say things to him/herself like:
  "Why didn't I just say how I really felt, why do I always appease these people, I feel so shitty about the fact that so many don't understand, ect ect.."
  Self-defeating, self-degrading, depressing, and really just negative negative negative.. That is what the veteran who doesn't speak his/her mind might think/feel in the moment.
• The person receiving the response:
  If they are not adept at reading body language, and cannot see the uncomfortable feelings the veteran is experiencing, they will likely feel validated in their cookie cutter, well ground, neuro-typically-plastic way of being, and just keep repeating this in the future.

To wrap this up, what stood out the most in this question to me:

What do you think? Would you rather that someone say 1)Thank you for your service or 2)I can't imagine what you've been through? How does "Thank you for your service" make you feel?

Is not how these statements make me feel, but rather:
What I find to be of the utmost importance is how I respond, because this is going to dictate how I feel about it after the fact.

I am enjoying this conversation between @akiroq and @logiczombie. And this is only one facet of the conversation.
I recommend checking it out if you like/are interested in psychology, or just like to exercise that thing we call a brain :)

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