RE: Discussions continued.
I find that people generally want to be heard and understood, and convinced that they are heard and understood, and are not going to accept a simple nod of the head and an, uh-huh.
Yes, and this is more important to them than a solution.
I have had a lot of success using the phrasing that was suggested to me.
Of course, I use whichever phrase seems most appropriate given the situation.
And really, when I think about it, it is accurate. I can't profess to know what is going on in the mind of another person. I really have no idea.
I can't project the way I would react, or have reacted on to how someone else would/has.
Yeah, I have never been concerned about being validated or told that someone cares about me as I am trying to comfort them.
Do people actually do this?!
Regarding the vet video: I really can't say. I am not a vet. @futuremind : What do you think? Would you rather that someone say 1)Thank you for your service or 2)I can't imagine what you've been through? How does "Thank you for your service" make you feel?
Eh, don't you? Maybe just a little bit? Don't you sort of want them to acknowledge and or appreciate your brilliant solution? Or hear them say something like, "heck yeah, you know what I'm talking about!"? Or even, "thanks a lot, I feel a little better now"?
I also wanted to mention, when you said, "they need to find their own solutions", it reminded me of a con-artist.
A con-artist knows that one of the most powerful hypnotic techniques is to address a person, by name (people love hearing their own name) and to interject a simple, "you're right!" at every available opportunity. And once their guard is down, they try to make subtle suggestions that lead the mark to believe the action (scam) is actually their own idea. Usually by asking the mark for advice or assistance of some kind.
I missed the video. Did you edit it in? Because, I did not see it before. I've never seen this movie. It looks pretty good. I will check it out when I have time. Thank you.
Yes, I added it, I thought the con-artist stuff might sound a little strange (left-field), and I remembered this movie being a great illustration of how cognitive-bias and confidence (trust) building are (or can be) used. Plus, David Mamet, Ricky Jay and Rebecca Pigeon...