As I write this post, my SO was supposed to have landed back in Israel following a week in Tallinn, Estonia. She's stuck in Helsinki, and will only return tomorrow, and I am left to think about the week that's past.

When your SO goes off for a week, you tell yourself you'll get SO MUCH done. So much couple quality time will go unspent, and you will just do all of the things. You'll take care of work stuff, meet some long overdue social obligations. Really tear it up.

Well, that's why I told myself, anyway. I was all set for the week of getting shit done.

I did not, in fact, get shit done. In fact, I kinda spiraled a little bit. Apart from my daily posts over here, which I have managed to make into a pretty ironclad part of my routine, I mostly sat around and wallowed in my anxiety.

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I played some games, I listened to some podcasts, I did the dishes (also an ironclad part of the routine now, after years of being a hardship). And I did eventually get some important things done. Important things that didn't require that I leave the house or talk with anyone.

Ironically - or not, I'm not sure - the person I communicated with the most during this week was the SO. The Whatsapp tab was always open, and we talked a bunch. I was also able to do my "hobbyist travel agent" bit, and help her out.

Some people think that couples that don't have sex are "like roommates." As I've discussed here before, I'm on the asexual spectrum. And the SO is definitely on the aromantic spectrum, as she hates most trappings of romance. So to an observer, we may not look like a couple that works. But lemme tell you, that observer would be wrong. My dad started taking his anxiety meds when he and my mom were separated for a significant amount of time for the first time. And I totally get that. If I wasn't already on anxiety meds, I'd want to start this week.

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And, you know, I'm a person who likes to be alone. I like being at home, alone, in front of the computer. On most days, I'm awake many hours after the SO has gone to bed. And when I'm on a trip abroad, I don't have these feels. I'm too busy doing the things, I guess. It's harder to wallow when I don't have the time.

Tomorrow, assuming the rebooked flights go off without further problems, the SO comes home. And hopefully, I'll be able to reengage. This week of anxiety was a heightened version of my recent state, and I'm hoping this bottom will be a time to start climbing up again. Things to do.