Dear Diary: Why I Still Want To Live

I was dialyzed today and I do thank God for it so now I am able to see the light of another day hopefully although it takes some time really before a dialysis patient dies without getting dialyzed, roughly two weeks. I had seen it happen to some of my fellow patients in the past.

First the patient gets waterlogged, then nauseated (to much), vomiting until you vomit so hard you puke out bile, being so waterlogged you will experience difficulty in breathing as your lungs gets filled slowly with fluids until you drown in your own body fluids. You also go crazy too because of the creatinine toxin elevation and lack of sleep because of constant coughing from fluids in the lungs.

Source

That is how long and how hard it is to die without being dialyzed that is why I am scared of dying by not being able to receive dialysis treatment not because I am afraid of death but the road unto it is what terrifies me.

That is why with all my abilities I am striving to survive just for me to evade that particular hardship. I can still remember the days or years that I am always nauseated because I am basically not getting a quality clean for my blood. My phosphorus levels is always up too and I am just recently was able to control it and not before the permanent damage in my bones had occurred.

But at least I am able to control my bone disfigurement as I am taking medicines to correct what is wrong or at least to slow its progression. I am taking my parathyroid medicine so that my bones would not leach out Calcium to my blood because of my Phosphorus levels that got high for many years, it got so high that my body itched.

Nausea Is Due To Urea, Nitrogen, And Creatinine While Itching Is A Sign Of High Phosphorus In The Body

Nausea	Itching

So I am also taking phosphate binder everytime would I eat so that I will not get elevations in my phosphorus levels so that my Parathyroid won't get so hyper or possibly stop its hyperactivity. Most processed and packaged foods contain some type of phosphates to make the product stabilize with its texture, taste, color, etc. So I am just apprehensive in eating such manufactured foods.

That is the reason I just have to choose my foods wisely and it is difficult because I need to gain weight and it doesn't happen because of my strict diet and the appetite loss that I have to deal with too adds to the difficulty because of the awful side-effect of my Parathyroid medicine.

But I thank God for #steem community that makes it possible for me to afford my expensive but essential and needed medicines and in that way I was able to manage my condition into a more liveable manner. God bless this community.