Dear Diary: I Can't Sleep

I forgot that I had some couple of energy drinks during dialysis so it just made me wide awake still this late, late night and I can't do anything but just to listen in music that I prefer today. It seems that classical music is calming and I just wish that I can just enjoy music and forget things that makes me upset and worried.

Talking about being worried, why I am always worried, it is because I have no more strength in most aspects of my life. I am physically dependent to some which makes me scream inside because most people my age just do not want to be with their parents anymore, much less be dependent on them.

The sad fact too is that if they are gone I will put into much harder predicament, problems, hardships. This life had given me much grief than triumph and much as I want to excel into something I was always dragged back and pinning me on the sidelines while watching others live their life with normality, excellence, and happiness.

So in other social media some of my former acquaintances, friends, classmates, or the people who knew me would add me "as a friend" and I will have no choice but to ignore for the fear of them discovering what I had become. I do not want to be pitied or worse be center of curiosity or might cause for some to get upset on me, for me, or just get awkward around me.

I do not want those to happen so I will just have to submit myself and confine myself into my little room where I can find privacy and security away from the prying eyes of the public.