The Hammer Drops
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9 years ago in #life by clayboyn (70)
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The Hammer Drops
View this post on Hive: The Hammer Drops
Keep working your ass off on steemit , then when the price of steem skyrockets and have a ton of steem saved and powered up BOOM Cash out !! I really believe some day we all be rich on here and can kiss our shit ass jobs goodbye !! Yippee !! Live long and prosper !!👍👍👍💙😂😂
That is the plan :)
Yup Yup !! Lol !👍👍👍😂
I've said it before and I'll say it again, you definitely know the score @karenmckersie! Sounds like a very reasonable approach you laid out there :)
Haha ! Sky rocketing to the moon and back my friend !! Never say die !! 😂😂😂👍
Nope, I will not be stopped either :)
Did you see my new Thank You post !? 👍👍👍
https://steemit.com/steemit/@karenmckersie/what-a-roller-coaster-week-on-steemit-a-big-thank-you-all-original-memes-content
Now I did! I'll take a look :)
Cool ! Thanks !👍😊
Your welcome! :)
Sounds like you are learning and gaining the experience of exactly the thing that you came back home for. Progressing forward my man, it's difficult as hell sometimes, but keep progressing.
It took me a bit longer to get to these than I anticipated. Can I ask how old you are? Or just a general such as early twenties, mid twenties, etc. I normally wouldn't ask or even care really, but with the life stuff you're talking about it would give a little context. Though don't worry that I will pass any judgments in relation to a number- I have friends ranging in age from barely twenty-one to nearing sixty, lol.
It's great that you were able to recognize what you did about 'keeping score', it's definitely a great thing to understand as early in life as possible in terms of relationships.
I'm 30 now.
Okay, cool, so you're at the parentals regrouping then?
After the big flood fiasco in August 2016 I guess I realized I had finally found someone that mattered to me. I didn't really understand how broken my mind was, but I knew I had to fix my issues before they came out. Turns out I managed to self destruct before I figured out what I was trying to fix. The post I made called "ghosts of my pasts" is where I started trying to figure out what I was going through. It's been a crazy 5 months or whatever now. I don't even know if I was a person back then. I have worked through so much shit at this point that I really don't even remember who I was then.
I actually just went back through a few posts, read "Opposite to a suicide note". I think pulling from the expectations of parents is one of the hardest struggles in life. It was around seven years ago, (a couple years older than you are now) before I finally pulled out from the last vestige of control I hadn't even realized my parents, particularly my mother, still had over me. My attitude about it was pretty similar to this post too, haha. I think it's even necessary to go through "fuck you, I'm going to be me whether you like it or not" . It's like mentally shoving them off of y our back, and anger and resolve go with the territory. I have a couple friends that still haven't managed that, and I cringe at the weight they carry around because of it.
Basically when I was younger I decided to numb out of everything and got hooked on drugs. Years of repressed emotions really fucked me up. I have worked through everything in posts here, like a mental health journal. I used to have no memories of my childhood, but this has been self inflicted immersion therapy. I basically forced myself to relive childhood traumas and discover the core wounds that led to my broken understanding etc. What the fuck would make me do all of that? Love.
Your desire to become the best version of yourself in order to be everything the one you love can ever possibly need definitely indicates that the love you feel is as powerful and unyielding as you've stated.
But I can literally feel your current angry/frustrated/simmering turmoil in regards to other areas in your life such as your family. And I have to say, it will be extremely difficult for you to move through it and get past it while you're there. If they're anything like my parents then they're probably fairly set in their ways, the ideas and beliefs they have are so deeply rooted, it would take a zombie apocolypse to shake them free of it. The indoctrination from a lifetime of propoganda coupled with an utter lack of desire to examine it let alone free themselves from it--there is nothing that they can offer you, and there is nothing that you can do for them.
I have no idea where you live or what means you have at your disposal, but I do know that if I were in your shoes a campground and a tent would be sounding appealing to me right about now, ha :)
As long as you continue on in 'their' space, you will likely be limited in how far you can take this journey you're embarking on. Or I know that I would be.
Ya I'm at that leaving phase now. I just needed to formulate the basics of what I was taking when I left etc. I'd rather sleep under a bridge.