The Dragon named Giving Up

Wednesday, January 8th 2020, 2144hrs

I Took an Arrow to the Knee

Ah, the guard from Skyrim. Everybody made fun of them but, correct me if I’m wrong, deep down we actually can relate to these NPCs more than what we would like to admit.

Ambitions. Passion projects. Dreams. Hobbies. Call it what you want, everybody had one of those. I say had, because as an adult, those are luxuries that not all of us had the time or resources to pursue. To the people who actually followed through their dreams, I have nothing but respect.

2 years ago, I posted my first blog post to this platform. It was full of the passion and teenage optimism that I find hard to muster today. I loved this platform. No, I love it. A free speech, decentralized blogging site where everyone can earn money? Sounds too good to be true. I enjoyed having an outlet to share my life stories and the community, especially the great folks at Team Malaysia, has showed nothing but support to me. I was earning quite a lot too. It’s nothing to brag about but being able to say to yourself, “I earned this” is a great feeling. But somehow somewhere, amidst health problems, broken PCs and study, I stopped. It’s easy to make an excuse. I lost my password, I said. Did I try to get it back? Embarrassingly, no. I used that as an excuse to stop writing. 2 years later, here I am, wringing my brain to make this sounds at the very least readable and less pathetic.

Another Go

Last year, bored out of my brain, I decided to try something new. What if, instead of wasting my time watching YouTube videos, I try making them instead? I did. And I loved it. The whole process of planning, recording and editing was thrilling to me. I splurged on video equipments. Impulsiveness has always been my strongest suit. Consistency? Not so much. I only made a measly 5 videos, most of which I will take down in the near future because of the childishness of the contents. I’m beginning to see a pattern here, that I’m not sure if I like.

Coming Back to Dream Big

I want to be a dreamer. Not just any dreamer. Someone who actually achieves their dream. I missed my chance to be an astronaut (sorry about that, 9-year-old me), but that doesn’t mean I should stop doing things that I enjoy just because “it didn’t work out”, “I’m too old for this” or “it’s too hard”. I want to be able to look back at my life in my deathbed and be able to say “I’ve done all I wanted to do and I did them with passion”. I want to do this.

So, I’ve come up with a decision. I want to do this. I’m coming back. I’m going to make more videos; I will write more. I won’t fool myself and be over-confident again, however. All these are creative processes. I don’t want to get into another creative block and abandon these things once more. I just want to be true to myself and have an outlet for the creative child that I once was, to try and make it through the stress of today’s world with my sanity and self-pride intact. I want to be better.

To Slay A Dragon

I guess the whole point of this post here is to motivate myself. I am not ashamed to say that I hope that you, kind readers, will give me support in doing this because let’s be real, who is an author without the readers. I have great plans for this new year. On this blog, I will continue doing my previous blog post contents and also try to branch into more creative contents. On my YouTube channel, I will continue to create more gameplay videos once I finished restructuring and rebranding. I want to do this all over again. Because I don’t want to be the guy who took an arrow to the knee. I want to be the guy to take down the dragon called ‘giving up’. All I need is your support.

TL;DR

I think I have said everything that needs to be said. Quite a short one, this post, but I need to start somewhere, don’t you think? Thanks for reading. If you liked this, please be welcome to give me an upvote below. Also, if anyone is interested in my YouTube channel, I will post the link to it in the near future. I have much to do, but I’m proud I started today. Thank you once again.