Leaving My Comfort Zone

Saturday, May 5th 2018, 0300hrs

I am the type of person who likes to play things safe. I hate risks. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't even like riding a bike. So I created a personal limitation on myself, a set of things that I say to myself, "No! I'll never do that.". This is what we call a comfort zone. This imaginary boundary we imposed upon ourselves makes us feels safe and as the name suggests, comfortable. However, what most of us never realised is it does nothing but hold you down. This, is a story of how I left my comfort zone.

Today

I am sitting outside my room, at 3am, as I'm writing this. Yesterday was a very good day. I dare say that it might be one of the best days I had in my life. I, Mirza, a socially awkward guy, hosted the Teacher's Day Celebration at my Institute! Just a year ago, I would never even imagined it. One year ago, I would just be sitting with the crowd, not talking to anyone but my classmates. How did that guy, turned into the one writing this article right now? Well, it was nothing simple.

Humble Beginnings, 2006-2011, age 7-12

I had a mundane childhood. I had a long streak of academic success in primary school, placing first in the whole grade every year. Six years in a row, twelve semester, no joke. On the flip side, I never really bothered to join extracurricular activities and sports. This gave me the reputation, or rather, stigma, that I still carry around today. I am a nerd. The fact that I had to use prescription glasses at the age of 9 did not help at all. As a kid, I have an anger issue (I still have it now, I'm afraid). And everytime I got angry, I cry. This stopped me from going out and playing with my friends. All the spare time I had went into reading. Down goes my social skills, up goes my grades.

The Awkward Age, 2012-2016, age 13-17

SMK Kota Marudu II, my alma mater

So I went to secondary school with the social skills of a preschooler. Looking back, it's impossible to not cringe at 13 years-old me. I tried to make friends on the first day with the line " Hi, I'm Mirza and I like cats.". To another boy. In the eyes of a normal 13-year-old boy, that is like saying, "Hey, I play with dolls.". Sure enough, I soon become a subject of ridicule and it only serves to further discourage me from socialising. My whiz-kid status faded away as I found more competition and struggles with insecurities and social awkwardness. Things were not looking very well. So I wasted 5 more years of my life, living in relative obscurity. I only started to break out of my shell on the last year of secondary school by joining a drama competition, playing a supporting character. By then, it was already to late and I lost the opportunity to bloom in my teenage years.

SPM and Leaving Home, 2017, age 18

Labuan Matriculation College, also known as Kolej Matrikulasi Labuan

In Malaysia, each 17-year-old citizen have to go through an SAT-like exam, called the Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia to determine a student’s aptitude which is used for higher education admissions. I scored above average, not too low that I fail, but not enough for universities to enroll me. I received an offer from the Labuan Matriculation College, which arguably one of the things that brought major changes in my life. You see, this college is located in another state, The Federal Territory of Labuan, whereas I, am from Sabah, Malaysia. There, I have to learn how to live on my own.

The whole affair lasted for three weeks, but I swear that it was the longest three week in my life. I have never had any experience living with strangers, but there I have to live with not one, but 3 strangers. I have to learn how to do my laundry, how to shop for groceries and how to cope with living far away from my family, all while trying to fit in a new environment and learning. What made matters worse, it was during Ramadhan. Ramadhan was a very big thing for Muslims, not because we cannot eat during the day, but because it brings sentimental memory of breaking your fast with your family. I spent three weeks at LMC crying at night and feverish with homesickness.

A Change of Pace, 2017, age 18

Screenshot of IPG Kampus Gaya's homepage. This is my campus.

Good news came to me in the form of an email. I have been received into the Institut Pendidikan Guru Malaysia (IPGM), the national teacher training institute of Malaysia. At the moment, I was back in Sabah for the Eid’ul Fitr holidays. I was ecstatic, for it gave me a way out of the living hell that was living in a different state. It was a generous offer, all expenses paid with guaranteed employment. However, my mind was in a state of chaos. I could never imagine myself being a teacher. The whole reason I applied for IPGM was because it was my father’s dream to be a teacher, one he never had the chance to realise due to poverty. Unwilling to break his heart, I accepted the offer, and here I am, still standing strong after two semesters.

Baby Steps, 2017-2018, age 18-19

I didn’t just come into IPG, shed my skin and become a social butterfly. No. It took so many steps. But none of it was a big step. Baby steps. That’s what takes you to your destination. I spent my first semester just trying to acclimate to the learning culture in IPG. I tried my hand at directing, leading my classmates in a drama competition but it was short-lived as we did not place in the top 3. So I focused on getting comfortable and acquiring social and living skills. By the second semester, I was ready.

Members of JPP IPG Kampus Gaya with Madam Gerturude Jock, director (center).

I started by joining the Student Committee, or JPP as we call it. It was rather coincidental. The Student Committee is a body that is made up of elected representatives from every faculty and semester on campus. As the nomination day grew nearer, our class still do not have enough nominees. On a whim, I nominated myself. The whole thing was so spontaneous I still couldn’t think of a reason why I did it. After being nominated, the candidates have to give a spontaneous speech on a random topic in front of all. That’s when I realised I had a flair for politics. The whole speech came to me effortlessly as I try to convince everyone how I would make a great committee member. With the blessing from Allah SWT and my newfound speaking skills, I landed a seat in the committee as a member of the Media and Communications Bureau.

After the whole occasion, I begin to open up more and more to people and was up for every challenge thrown my way. One of the challenges that I never regretted of taking was participating in the track and fields competition for the Annual Athletics Championship. I took part in the 110m hurdles and 4x400m relay. Now, by all accounts, I am not an athletic person. I had no place on a track. However, thanks to the love and support of my division members (the students are divided into 4 contingents, called divisions), I manage to complete both events with all limbs attached (I’m told that I can be dramatic at times, LOL). During the championship, I had an epiphany. Being non-athletic and of short stature, I struggled in the hurdles race. By the time I knocked over the fifth hurdle, I had already lost my spectacles. I considered just lying there on the ground or faking an injury. I was about to quit. That’s when I heard the cheering. My division mates, even those from other division were all cheering for me. I was in the last place, struggling to keep my breathing in check, and people were cheering for me. Something flicked inside my head, some strength I never knew was there picked me up, pulled me to my feet and helped me finish the race. Passing the finish line, I was hit the greatest sense of achievement I ever had in my life. On that day, on that track, I promised to myself, no matter how many times I fall down, I will pull myself back up and finish the race, be it a physical or mental one.

New and Improved, 2018, age 19

Poster for the stage play of Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice, presented by students of IPG Gaya's PPISMP TESL, June 2017th intake.

After the tracks, nothing ever seemed difficult anymore. That was the new starting point in my life. It feels as though I am reborn. In March, I hosted/emceed my first official campus event, the closing ceremony for a learning outreach program organised by our institute. In April, I played Shylock, the antagonist of Shakespeare’s classic, The Merchant of Venice. And just yesterday, I became a host for the second time, for an even bigger audience than the first time. All of this would have never happened if I never took a step outside my comfort zone. It’s hard, but hard time makes strong men. For all of you who are still in that zone, take this as a proof. The proof that you, and only you can take that step for yourself and be more.