BEASTLY TALES

WINTERING OVER

Archie Oddball wound up, every year, in jail.
It is not that he was bad, but he’d never fail,
To spend the winter as Her Majesty’s guest,
Because he was genteel, no-one thought him a pest.
We are talking about a winter in London Town,
When temperatures drop, wind makes a frown,
And Archie was homeless, lived on the street,
He knew all the Bobbies as they walked their beat.

This year Archie thought he’d try a new trick,
And so he located a nice Victorian brick.
Armed with this missile, decidedly not fissile, no more
He then walked to the High Street Jewellery store,
With a huge effort, that brick he did heave,
At the display window, but never to thieve.
It bounced right off the security glass,
Attracting the attention of a Copper about to pass,
On his daily beat along High Street way,
“Ullo, ullo, ullo what we’ave ‘ere then?” he did say.
“Oh, it’s you Archie, I should ‘ave known.”
“It’s coming up winter, summer ‘as flown!”
“You’re after your winter digs, me ol’ son.”
“Come along, we’ll get the process begun.”

So the copper took him to the local “Nick”,
Archie was well used to this, never felt sick.
The Sarge said, “Archie, you’re a bit late,”
“We’ll check you right in and give you a plate”
“You’ll have to see the Magistrate in the morning,”
“We won’t wake you too early, don’t want you yawning!”
“What’ll we charge you with, this year?”
“You’ll only be wanting six months, I hear?”
“By then, the bloom of spring will be upon us,”
“And you can return to Street living, no fuss.”
“When they take you up to Broadmore,”
“They’ll have the same room you last saw.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised, you’ll have your own T.V.”
“And it will be clean, with sole occupancy.”
“I know you like your peace and quiet,”
“Other parts of the prison, they always riot!”

Broadmore’s Chief Warden said, “How do you do.”
“Archie, it’s six months since we’ve seen you.”
“The warder will show you to your room,”
“We’ve painted it up, so there’s no gloom!”
“They’ve installed Cable T.V. you’ll see,”
“So you can watch re-runs to eternity!”
So Archie, settled into his quite cosy cell,
He felt more than satisfied, wanting to yell,
“Home again, in my Winter Quarters,”
“My staff here are not Warders, but porters,”
“Who will respond to my every beck and call,”
“In a most snappy fashion, yes, give it their all.”
“And, provided that I give no negative lip,”
“Will surely not be expecting any tip!”

He was taken out for a walk every day.
For all this, for him, there was nothing to pay.
A trip to the library, what’s wrong with that?
If he wanted, he could even stop and chat.
So, life in his “Resort,” did roll along,
Archie’s good behaviour showed he could do no wrong.
At last they came to the beginning of Spring.
Marking when his confinement’s end would begin.
The Chief Warder walked him to the gate,
“See you next year, Archie, don’t be late.”
He handed Archie an envelope stout,
“A little something to get you about.”
Archie headed back to his spot on the street,
Wondering what, this day, he would eat.