BEASTLY TALES

PLUMBER’S LAMENT

“Good gracious, how vexatious!”
So said Cedric, the plumber. Spacious,
The area where he was working so hard.
In a basement, with access to the yard.
“This septic system is all back up, you hear!”
“Even my wriggly drain unblocker can’t clear!”
“What foreign objects have been put in the system?”
“Common sense has clearly missed ‘em!”
“Pipes are made to carry liquids, by they ever so squalid,”
“Now, these pipes are impacted by things very solid.”
“I know this subject may not be to your taste,”
“For here we are talking of the disposal of waste.”
“If things of a solid nature,”
“Too solid and large of stature,”
“So interrupts the normal smooth flow,”
“Of waste material to where it should go.”
“All I ask is a little cooperation,”
“That’s all I ask, no explanation.”

Yes, Cedric was peeved, there’s no doubt,
And when Cedric was peeved, he would shout,
“Now I have to disconnect all these pipe joiners,”
“Which will flood this basement to all four quoiners.”
“Who is going to mop and clean?”
“This detritus so very obscene?”
“Certainly not I, in my blue overalls,”
“I’m not dressed for such work that appals.”
“Using a squeegee and mop are below my pay grade.”
“As a qualified plumber, king of my trade!”
“And I’m sure you don’t want to pay $100 an hour,”
“For me to sluice the mess away with a water shower.”
“The problem with basements is that they don’t have good drains,”
“To flush out such matter; builders don’t have much brains.”

So, after such a lamentable tirade,
Cedric felt vindicated, he and his Trade.
“We plumbers have to stick close together,”
“Whatever we face, be it fair or foul weather.”
“And the weather’s particularly foul today.”
“It looks as though, any time soon, it won’t go away!”

“Your number two business is not my stock and trade,”
“Although part of plumbing, it’s a small part I’m afraid.”
“So have your cleaners standing by,”
“The laws of gravity we can’t defy,”
“I’m about to disconnect your pipes,”
“And I’m inured to all your usual gripes.”
“Thar she blows!” Cedric did shout,
Standing well back from the flooding redoubt.
The property owner looked on, with considerable shock,
As his blocked drains did rapidly unblock!