Key to your Personality : Your Childhood Experience.
Sometimes it is not easy learning to let go when things meant so much to you. Perhaps in the past a lot of things were taken away from you rudely that you were unable to come to terms with.
It could be when you lost your parents through a bitter separation or divorce, you moved places and changed schools frequently, and inevitable change is not always easy when you are too young to understand.
I have a tough childhood. Being the eldest of my siblings means I have to force myself to grow up before my time.
After my parent's separation, my mother had to work on two jobs to sustain, we stayed with her parents and siblings, but it was not easy growing up with them. Although we were just kids (I was only 10), we had to do our parts for the family, cleaning after them (my aunts and uncles hates to wash after they eat or cook – not sure why), get scolded for not helping out or for playing too much (we were just kids!).
Whenever my mom comes back from work (she works on shifts sometimes), she gets scolded too. We were reminded to be grateful all the time because we have roof over our heads. Yes we have roof that sheltered us but not love. I felt it’s unfair that her family treated her so badly at her time of need. She was at the lowest point of her life and its a huge shift for her, from being a contented housewife to a single mother of three working on shifts.
And then we moved out stayed at a rented room not far from my grandparents house, and when my mom couldn’t afford the rent, we have to move back to her brother’s house and finally settled at my grandparents house again. My mom tried to provide a conducive environment for us, but she couldn’t afford it. I grew up resenting the situation, and angry at these people whom I thought were “my family”. I dislike them so much. Sometimes I feel like running away - but go where? My mom would be devastated. Sometimes I feel like I wanted to end life too. Can you imagine suicidal thoughts of a 12 year old? I used to be that kid.
I recalled my late father used to send money over for us – but never reach us because my mother’s family used it for their personal usage. They used it on renovating the house, travelling and good food. We never get to eat these good food. My mom usually cooked for us every day and stored the in the netted shelf for me and my sisters.
I had to work part time in KFC at age 15 to pay for my tuition fees. School friends mocked me and make clucking chicken's sound whenever they see me. I used to envy friends that shared stories of their holidays with family or showed things their parents bought for them on their birthdays. I watched friends got fetched by parents from school, while I had to walk (if I have no money for bus fare) or take the bus. I watched friends parents came for parents teacher meetings, while I have none coming for me because my mom have to work. I had to split lunch (sharing) with my sister if my mom give us less money. That’s why I like volunteering in school canteens because I get to eat free food if nobody buys them all.
I forced myself to be brave all the time even though deep down inside I was deeply troubled and sad. I had no one to turn to.
Back in those days, watches from Swatch, jeans from Levis or sports shoes from Reebok are always cool to have. My siblings and I usually stayed home throughout school holidays doing house chores and birthday celebration is non-existent. To earn pocket money, I sold handmade cards or joins contests that offers cash as prizes.
I remembered visiting my late father with my sister (he was trying to rebuilt himself after a failed business) at a shophouse where it has several rooms rented out. It was not a safe place for children because they were some vice activities happening in some of the rooms, but we were happy just to be with our father, even if we have to sleep on the floor. Staying with him even for a night is better than being at my mom’s parents house.
My late father, no matter how hard life is for him, he will always ensure we never go hungry, he will pack food for us and make sure we sleep on the mattress with blankets to cover us. He protected us with love. He knew the place he stayed is not safe for us, he asked us to go home to our grandparents house. He knows we were unhappy there but to him our safety matters. To cope with dissappointment, I immersed myself in studies and make sure I do well and I did. The only way out of hardship is always education.
Whenever I recalled this, I felt upset. My childhood experience has moulded my bold attitude, my outspokenness and perhaps being taken for granted many times, it takes time for me to trust or build relationships. And when I trust someone, they always turn out to have certain agendas. Hence I build walls around me. It took years for me to slowly get people come into my circle. Some of these people stayed for a long time and some just stay for the moment.
I always believe how we were brought up and childhood experience is the key foundation of our personality. Each of us have different challenges and blessings that moulded us to who we are today. Circumstances can be detrimental to a child's psychology. Some can overcome it if they are strong and some succumbed to it.
Growing up, I learnt to communicate with God and seek solace through prayers. And indeed, God has been with me in my journey and keeps me safe in His arms. Sometimes I wish someone would just hug me and tell me its going to be okay. But I never tell anyone of my problems. Close friends have guessed, but I always deny. I did not want to look like a hopeless person.
It’s easier to judge than to understand why certain people behave the way they do. To criticise, condemn is easier, but to offer hand and understand – well not many will have time for it.
So the next time when you meet someone that is difficult or complicated to manage, ask about their childhood. Some is willing to share and some don’t. Those who usually take time to explain or couldn’t remember a lot or explain too little, chances are they do not want to remember the painful past or they have forgotten it because it’s not worthy to treasure.
Surprisingly there are some people who grew up in a happy home, yet they do things that drives people away. Usually these people are either self-absorbed – thinking that the world owes them justice or self-righteous – because they always gets praises and validations while growing up.
So never be too quick to judge a person until you get to know them well. If you have never been in their shoes and walk their journey, you will never understand or see life from their perspective.
What about you? How was your childhood?
Something About Angiechin28
Angie Chin is a Mom with a mission and founder of WonderWomen.Asia (coming soon), the first online portal in Malaysia that connects Women to affordable online learning, community activities, shareable contents, events, jobs and go-to market opportunities. At home, she’s a mommy to a 10 year old daughter, 6 furbabies + a grown babe. She loves travelling, cooking, exploring new food, reading and watching re-runs on Youtube.
Regularly posting up her ramblings and sharing contents (current favorites are Facebook & Instagram), she fell head over heels with Steemit after realising it’s the only platform that allows ANYONE to earn cryptocurrency by creating and posting up contents, even by liking, voting or commenting other people’s contents!
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Most of us faced hardship during our childhood, and you wouldn’t want that to happen to anyone especially children. But with hardship comes resilience, persistence and made us more empathy towards others sufferings and misfortune. And like you @angiechin28, I’ve learnt to always put myself in someone else shoes before I judged them. Because with that principle, I think we will become a better person and better understanding of what the other is and what he/she is as a person.
Yes agreed @noriaakip.
@originalworks
@angiechin28, I do agree how you grow up related to the childhood that you go through. And for that reason, we need to at least make sure our kids do not go through the same bitter life. But we do want some hardship in their life for them to grow up. Sounds bitter, isn't it?
Yes, at the same time be there for them if they need guide and morale support. I had no one back then, so my situation is tougher.
@angiechin28, understand and great that you had get through it. History is a lesson, future is a path we walk towards.
Now i know you better and i am glad to know you better. I think our parents love us dearly but sometimes circumstances do dictate their actions. So unfortunate that your childhood was robbed from you. I wish you didnt have such tough times. But building walls around you would only drive good people from your life, we judge people for who they are and the best way to build friendship is to trust again no matter how hard it is or what risk you may face.
Relationship is always one of the hardest for human to build & nurture as it boils down to ones preference, common goals and how well they connect. Thank you @perennial, it was a hard journey for me but I guess that built the resilience.
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Oh @angiechin28 ... big hugs! I had it rough too growing up so I can relate. Most times I feel disconnected to the past, almost like it was a movie I watched or a book I read... but I also feel it helps me cope with the many “dips” I’ve had in my life.... What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right 😊
Yes! its like waking up from a bad dream. Sometimes when we look back we didnt expect to get this far in life. But still, the experience contributed to the formation of your personality in the early years and that influenced your behavior on how you deal with people around you or even yourself. And a lot of people assumed things even before trying to understand first.
Believe many of us suffered from some form of physical or emotional abuse in our childhood. One thing I learnt is the past is the past and it can't hurt us anymore unless we allow it to continue to hurt us and allow it to eat us up and affect our relationships with others.
Don't look back, look forward and build memorable experiences babe!
P.S. Maybe that's why Dory is so forgetful. ;)
Yup our childhood experiences will shape how we view the world and cope with its challenges in future. Some of us are dealing with psychological challenges when we grow up, some are dealing with physical hardship like you did but all these things contribute to our perception of the world. I am still dealing with my personal trauma but slowly it improves over the years. Beb, if you can I highly suggest reading this book, Reinventing Your Life by Dr. Jeffrey Young. This book helps me in my healing journey. It's hard but it helps me to be aware of my patterns and break the destructive cycle.