When Embers Become Stars

in 365daysofwriting •  15 days ago



Marie watched Marcus tend the flames, her hand on her stomach.

She should have sought help sooner. Their lives were ruined, his life was lost... it was her fault!

Embers shrouded the sky and she turned away from the pyre.

Goodbye, little one; may you become one with the stars.

 



This little snippet of writing was created for two challenges... fiftywords and 365daysofwriting.

The prompt this week for #fiftywords is - goodbye - and you can find the challenge here, hosted by @jayna!

The photo is the prompt for #365daysofwriting, which is courtesy of Vlad Bagacian on Unsplash!
And you can find this challenge here, hosted by @mydivathings!


This started out as a creation just for the 365daysofwriting challenge... however, my brain is a terrible thing sometimes and as I was writing, the inevitable happened; everything took a dark turn. That dark turn resulted in my remembering the prompt for this week's fiftywords, and then it all came together.

Admittedly, the photo is somewhat cheerier than my interpretation... I'm fairly certain those people are enjoying that bonfire. But my mind works in mysterious ways.

 



 
If you enjoyed this, perhaps take a look at a work that I'm literally slaving over, pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into. Vengeance. There's a new chapter every Wednesday, the latest of which is Chapter Three, and it's available here on Steemit! All completed chapters can also be found at kaelci.net!

 



 

Posted from my blog with SteemPress : https://steem.kaelci.net/2018/10/04/when-embers-become-stars/

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So sad. There is no loss greater than losing a child. It goes against the balance of nature and fairness. This was really well written.

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This was one of those stories that you spend a lot of time wording and writing to the best of your ability, and then wonder if you should even post it or not... I know that it's a terrible subject, but I tried to do it in as delicately a manner as possible.

Thank you for reading :)

Hey @kaelci! 😊 just saw your profile from @freewritehouse.
Dropping by to say that you write really well and I hope to read more of your works! 😊

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Hullo @joeylim, thanks for dropping by! I'm grateful that you had a read and like my stuff :) Hopefully you find my future stories just as enjoyable.

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(I'm terrible at reacting to compliments... but thank you so much!)

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You're welcome 😊
Can't wait!!

Greetings, @kaelci. It is an odd combination of peace and chilling eeriness (despite the fire).

Some decisions are hard to make, not so much for the immediate consequences, but for the everlasting scars.

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Those everlasting scars that can haunt you forever...

Thank you for stopping by and reading! :)

a sad little tale! But wonderfully crafted as ever

Posted using Partiko Android

Waaaiiiit. What? I'm hoping I'm misinterpreting the storyline. Oh please please, tell me they didn't throw their child in the fire. Okay, now I need the "story behind the story." Ack!

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Oh, no! They didn't just throw their child into the fire... now I'm hastily re-reading. Eeeeek!

I had it as, "her hand was on her stomach" - signifying that we're talking about a baby.
"she should have sought help sooner, lives were ruined, the baby's was lost" - as in, she had problems with her pregnancy, didn't tell anyone, and without help she needed, the baby's life was lost.
"she turned away from the pyre." - a funeral pyre.
"goodbye, may you become one with the stars." - a farewell, hoping that his soul has gone to a better place.

Oh, man, second-guessing now, hoping that it didn't come across horribly! 😱

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Oh! Thank you for the line-by-line explanation. That really helps.

Perhaps I'm the only person who read it that way. Who knows! But my understanding is that a funeral pyre is a fire on which a body is burned. Its basically a DIY crematorium. That's why I went there.

And of course, by the way, it is your story so if that was where you were going I would have accepted it. But boy are words powerful. My hair stood on end when I read this story!

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Oh, yes, the child's body was burned via the pyre. Sorry, the way you wrote it I thought you meant something along the lines of, "fling body, alright, we're done here!" ... and I was just, "Eeek! No! It's not that horrible and heartless is it?"

Whew!! 😅

In my head, I was imagining either a time centuries years ago or perhaps one of those random fantasy-medieval worlds, the body was laid down peacefully, the fire comes to life, a few emotional minutes of silence as the mother laments what she considers her mistake, but no one else blames her, it's just her self berating herself.

It's probably one of those things that may need a few more than 50 words. 😬

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Yes, in fact I think most 50-word “stories” are the tip of the iceberg. They are so often that pivotal moment in what we can only imagine is a much larger and far more complex saga. Who knows, maybe you will one day write the story around this vignette. In the context of a longer story, it would be incredibly powerful. Need to check out your novel in progress. I have not had a chance as yet.

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