Moving house: a comedy of errors (Comedy Open Mic Round 21 )
Why the F is my eye full zombie vampire?
Read on...
Moving house: a comedy of errors
Error 1: The miscalculation of packing down a 3.5 bedroom house
We were smart, or so we thought. A month before the relocation we decided it would be wise to start packing down the house (well, actually I didn’t decide that at all). But whilst Maryse started getting stuck into it, I said I’m crypto-packing so I decided to HODL, much to her chagrin.
Weeks passed by in this fashion.
It wasn’t until the final few days that I realised that Hodling was not a sound house packing strategy and only really any good for Cryptocurrencies.
We meticulously planned everything. The hiring of the truck, loading the truck, cleaning the house, and even the first leg of the 1635km (1015mi) drive.
What could go wrong?
Let’s find out, shall we?
What we had assumed would take about four hours to complete with loading the truck ended up taking 2 1/2 days.
Why?
Too much friggin stuff!!
We couldn’t fit it into the 4.2 meter (13.78ft) truck.
70% of the truck’s space was filled by the time the first 6 hours had passed.
The final 30% took 2 very full days to complete.
Why?
Because that 70% of the truck was barely 50% of the entire contents of the house.
This meant thorough sorting, more brutal culling and prioritising.
Then figuring out what to do with the remainder of the gear.
All humans have a semi-nomadic/nomadic ancestry. So when we stagnate and stay sedentary in one place we inadvertently become hoarders.
At least that’s my theory.
Error 2: don’t stuff large, thin, blunt metal objects up high
So no, I haven’t been bitten and infected by am apocalyptic virus.
A large, long, thin, blunt metal object feel directly into my left eye.
I ignored it until an hour later I scared the kids when I looked at them. I thought they ran because I hadn’t eaten all day and the signs were showing in my disposition, but no, they thought I was hungry and going to eat them.
“Maaaaaaaaaammmaaaaaaaaa!”
Lol.
My older brother Marcus @youroptions is an optometrist so I texted him a couple of pics to get a diagnosis.
Texts progressed thusly:
Gives a whole ne meaning to brown eye right?!
Ugh!
Hahaha!
I keep forgetting it’s there and then give myself a fright when I see my reflection. LOL.
I nominate these funny feckers @soundwavesphoton & @meno
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Welcome to #comedyopenmic. Yeah, you do look like a vampire, I don't blame your kids for running away. I hope that eye heals up nicely without any infections.
This is an interesting theory, it would certainly explain the hoarding. That or just buying a lot of unnecessary wants instead of getting just what's needed. I think the latter is my family's problem.
Thanks so much @take5! Great to finally put something in for the comedy open mic (although I always imagined I’d have debuted with a video entry). If it wasn’t for a suggestion from @profanereviews I might not have made it into this one.
Well, I'm glad you made this an entry. Hope to see more from you.
I don't know if you've ever checked out @comedyopenmic, but with a couple of small tweaks I think this would be a really great entry and the grand prize this week is 35 SBD. You don't need to change your content, just a tag, nominate two funny folks, and add Comedy Open Mic Round 21 to the title. There are a few of your countrymen in there that are starting to get overrun with immigrants from Canada and a few other commonwealth countries.
Anyhow, I found you through Steemix on MSP waves. I love your Wings song.
That was such a great suggestion! Thank you so much! And I’m super stoked that you found me through the song Wings and MSP waves.
In hell, you work Mon-Fri, as a removalist, then every weekend, you move house.
GZ on peoples champion, champ.
Peace.
Bwhahahhahahaha! That's friggin' gold!!! I just laughed my arse off!
And so so so true... That truly would be hell...
Blissful blessings and smiles
in joy
NK
I'm with you there in HODLing. Packing stinks. Hope your eye is alright! That looks really uncomfortable.
Should ask if zombie flu has any cures....
I was informed that zombieism makes one immortal which means I will be able to hodl crypto longer than anybody else.
Hehe
And thanks for asking about my eye. It’s totally fine. Just looks freaky.
Ouch! That eye doesn't look fun.
Moving is shit. The last bit ALWAYS takes the longest. When I moved to Panama I got rid of all my stuff except for 50kg (baggage limits) that would fit in a backpack and suitcase. Now I've aquired a few things (like a vitamix) but it will still be an easy move next time I have to do it.
EYE looks far worse than it feels. I was such a bloke about it. Lol. “Ah she’ll be right. I don’t have time for injuries.”
Light moving? Yeah. That would be impossible for me to do. Even if I hadn’t had kids for the past 19 years, I always travel with 3 guitars, 1 didge, 1 huge guitar Fx box, 1 small drum box, a box of CDs and merchandise, a computer bag and a backpack of clothes. Sometimes I wished I’d just taken up harmonica!! Haha
i hope the move went smooth!!! =) And please take care of that zombie eye! LOL
Thank you so much. Zombie eye is now vampire eye and I’m feeling bitie. Hehe
Holy Shite, Mate! That's one nasty looking eyeball, brother!
I trust there shall be no Error #3... Ha-ha... :-)
I do hope the balance of your transition and settling-in goes smoothly!
Much love, dude!
Eye looks nasty, but is totally fine.
The era of errors continues unfortunately.
Thanks for the love and wishes.
Back atchya
Yup, stuff just kinda snowballs like that sometimes...
Glad your eye is okay, mate!
Sent you a little something on discord when you get around to it...
One day at a time, brother - One day at a time... :-)
Very recognizable.. I always had too much stuff moving to a new house. Until we left the country, and only had to move some suitcases to the next place we were going to stay.. very convenient as I hate moving hehe.. Everything ok with your eye now?
This is the most stuff I’ve ever accumulated before a move. But then again, now I have more children so a bigger family than before.
Yeah, my eye is actually really fine. It just looks really bad. Thanks for asking.
Yikes, sounds like an ordeal! I like what you said about how humans become hoarders when we become sedentary. I ve learned (in theory) to only pick up things with their end use in mind. Comes in handy when I start a building and put all the materials I've scrounged to good use. But often the add weight takes my life.
All the best with the relocation! Hope the eye is healing nicely, ouch!
Great way of thinking.
Comedy of errors have continued with this move.
My eye is ugly, but
interestingfunctioning perfectly.I guess you were hugely relievedby your brothers diagnosis that it wasn't the zombie flu, kind puts everything else into perspective :)
Congratulations on peoples champion
Very relieved, although immortality could've meant that I could HODL longer than anyone else.. haha
Thanks so much... :)
Blissful blessings and smiles
in joy
NK
Sounds like a new dance move, the Zombie HODL
Bwhahahaha! That's gold!