Prince Shithead of Israel, First of His Name

So here’s a little story from the land of bilk your money. You probably know that Israel has a Prime Minister named Binyamin (Benjamin) Netanyahu. What you may not know, if you’re not from here and don’t follow the minutia, is that Bibi, as he is known, has two sons (and a daughter from a previous marriage he has all-but-disowned, on the demand of his wife). One son, Avner, is apparently a fairly decent kid, a brilliant scholar (placed third in the World Youth Bible Quiz), and is also reportedly on the spectrum. We are gathered here, dearly beloved, to talk about the OTHER son.

Yair Netanyahu made waves this week upon the release of a recording from three years ago (apparently by a member of his security detail) in which the lad and his friends (the son of billionaire Kobi Maimon and the 20 year-old handler of billionaire James Packer’s business interests in Israel, one Roman Abramov, who surely got the gig on merit and not cause he’s chums with the heir apparent, how dare you even) hold forth on life and love as they cruise the strip joints of Greater Tel Aviv.

In the recording, young Yair displays a gamut of charming traits. He can be heard mooching cash for a private lap-dance off his buddy Maimon, and when said buddy demures, saying Bibi’s kid already owes him money, the Dauphine retorts: “My dad hooked your dad up with 20 billion shekels, you can’t lemme have 400?”. This is a reference to the outrageously bad deal Israel has cut with the licensees who contracted to produce the natural gas in its economic waters – a deal that makes Israel pay the highest rates per BTU of any gas (or oil)-producing nation, and makes Israel Noble Energy’s (and its Israeli partners, one of which is owned by said Maimon) most profitable contract by several orders of magnitude.

They go on to discuss strippers and sex for pay and the two-penny pimp muses “I can hook you up with *** (his girlfriend at the time)… I can hook all of you up with her, cover all my debts.” In response, the lady in question said that “this is not the Yair I knew… I am ashamed to have dated him*.”

At some point the inebriated aristocrats realize that it would be bad if someone were to hear their lovely discourse, and Yair can be heard saying to his bodyguard: “If you quit the job we’ll have to kill you. Think of your family.”

Just kidding? Well, keep your day job there, Seinfeld wannabe.

(Boy Wonder with the Empress)

This wasn’t the first time the young Mr. Netanyahu made unflattering headlines. We residents of Israel first heard of the boy wonder in 2008. Following altercations between Jews and Arabs on Yom Kippur in Acre*, all-of-seventeen Yair Netanyahu set up a Facebook page in which he called for a boycott on Arab businesses, as “those sons of bitches desecrated our holiest day.”

A couple of years later, now an NCO in the oh-so-dangerous IDF Spokesman unit, Junior once again took to Facebook to rant about how one of the frequent round of skirmishing between Israel and Gaza canceled his leave, saying “we should kill them all.” Two years later the PM’s pride and joy went AWOL from his important position of answering phone calls at IDF Spox (foreign correspondents complained nobody was answering), and was sentenced to 21 days of detention on base.

Since his release from glorious military service, the little prince spent his time living at public expense in the PM’s residence, neither working nor studying, but instead apparently being groomed for a political career, meeting world leaders at his father’s side and representing papa at Likud functions. He also, apparently, spent his time imbibing “alt-right” propaganda. In August last he became the darling of neo-Nazis everywhere when he again took to Facebook to share a wildly anti-Semitic meme against George Soros, replete with reptilians and shit. He was commended for this by none other than David Duke, and got love from the Daily Stormer as well. Ah, the heart… it bursts with pride.

(The caption reads: The Food Chain. See how many anti-Semitic and wingnut tropes you can find!)

A month later, with the hubbub over the latest boo-boo barely subsided, Yair was observed by a citizen not picking up after the family dog Kaya. When asked to do so, he gave citizen the finger and turned his back on her, as she shared on Facebook. A few days later his brother Avner was seen picking up after the dog like some pleb. The cuck.

Since then Yair has managed to get slapped with a libel suit after claiming that certain left wing organizations are “working for the destruction of Israel,” to be 45 minutes late to a court-mandated arbitration meeting regarding same, and to storm out with shouts of “you lefty bitch” when asked why he tarried.

Oh yeah, there was also the story, in a lawsuit against his mother for abusing the staff at the residence, that the young lord has a habit of shadowing the cleaning staff as they work, then climbing up to some high shelf, running a finger and calling out: “Mom, come look, they didn’t clean here!”

In short, the boy is a wonderful example of the high morals and character instilled by our nation’s leader (and his wife, an educational psychologist with the public service!**), and we can all look forward with delight and excitement to the day when Prince Shithead succeeds his father to the throne of the third Jewish sovereignty.

In related news: One Mati Dan, Chairman of the “Ateret Kohanim” organization in Jerusalem which seeks to “Judaize” the Old City and all the surrounding neighborhoods, was recorded offering hookers (but not Jewish ones!) and using blackmail and extortion in the course of attempting to buy Palestinian-owned land. These same people then turn around and accuse us secular Jews of having deficient morals. It’s all kindsa fun here, I tell you what.

This has been a Weekend Holyland Update[TM]. The more y’all like it, the more of these there will be. Have a good weekend.

• Rumors are rife that Yair Netanyahu is in the closet and that his public affairs (with this woman, and another with a – gasp – gentile young woman from Norway) were merely “beards”. When asked, Netanyahu Jr. replied that he “is very straight. You wish you had half the models I’ve dated.”

** This is something Bibi always adds when mentioning his wife, to the point where it's a running gag. She "works" about 8 weeks a month at some school.