psychology

From the point of view of psychology, love defines every feeling or feeling that leaves a beautiful impression on its owner, making them feel that their lives have become better than before. This is the mystery that man has always thought about, and which each of us has searched for for a long time. There is a scientific study that explains the role of brain hormones, or what we scientifically call neurotransmitters, on the initiation, development, and stages of love. Why does love decrease after marriage and in long-term relationships? This comes due to the increase in the level of the hormone dopamine (or pleasure chemical) in the early stages of love and emotional attraction, while a study at the University of California, San Francisco (UCSF) confirmed that the matter is different with couples and those in successful long-term relationships. It was found that there was a lack of dopamine in his bodies, and an increase in another hormone called oxytocin or (bonding chemical). Which means that the chemistry of love (with its longings and passion) is different from the chemistry of marriage (continuous, long-term relationships). The importance of what was mentioned previously lies in clarifying that love does not diminish after marriage, but some people’s view of marriage is fundamentally wrong. Some people base the idea of ​​marriage on emotional attraction only on the basis that it is love. It will be a shock when someone gets married with this wrong idea in his mind. Then he will say, “I wish I had never gotten married.” He will even call everyone who is asked to marry crazy and will advise him to change his mind due to his ignorance of the concept of love and its stages. Stages of love in psychology: If we consider any ideal love relationship, we will find that it goes through three stages: The stage of infatuation: In this stage, the story is at its beginning, where you see the person you love as if he is perfect and without any deficiency, cute, lighthearted, and you are happy. And you are with him and you feel that he is different from everyone you have met in your life. This stage is the one that produced all the love poems and songs in human history, and it is the only stage that the media and romantic drama focus on. But you must remember that during this stage, everything you see from your partner are just your perceptions of him, and time and situations are enough to confirm their veracity. You should be very careful about making an engagement decision at this stage. The Exploration stage: This is the stage where both parties get to know each other over time. Time is the most important guarantee in the success of any relationship, as it is enough to reveal the faults of the person you love, and reveal the fact that he is not as perfect as you thought. Is this the normal flow of a relationship? Yes, this is very normal. When you find this happening in your serious relationship, know that you are on the right path, because at this stage the fake image that you saw in the dazzle stage disappears and you will see the person as he is. At this time, you can decide about your relationship with your partner. Commitment and companionship stage: This is the oxytocin stage. In this stage, both parties reach full knowledge of each other’s faults, and have the ability to live with them and adapt to them. Here comes the famous saying of the American philosopher Sam Keen: “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” This stage is the most difficult stage in relationships, because it includes the scope for resolving differences that arise. Inevitably, conflict arises between you two, and how each of you deals with each other’s shortcomings. The ability to overcome this stage means that you have reached the maximum levels of love that a relationship can reach. Signs of love in psychology: Signs of love vary depending on the stage we have reached in the relationship, for example: Eye contact: When we are at the beginning of the relationship, eye contact is considered any sign of love. Exchanging glances between you is a sign of the desire to communicate. Using the group pronoun: After the stage of getting to know each other and rapprochement, when the focus of your discussion and future plans is based on sharing between you and that each of you is part of the other’s plans, and using the group pronoun when talking about these plans. Working to take steps in our lives and change our plans and goals in a way that suits and maintains the continuation of the relationship. Reasons for love in psychology: meeting emotional needs. To understand ourselves, as emotional connection with another enables us to understand ourselves and our needs. Similarity between the two partners in the way of thinking, beliefs, and some personality traits. The presence of mutual admiration and interest for one another makes him feel special and worthy of love. The presence of a desire to know and discover the other, and this desire turns into a passion for knowing him. In the end, the ability to introduce the “fascination phase” from time to time during the coexistence phase ensures that the relationship will continue and go far. There is nothing wrong with visiting the same places we were in at the beginning of our acquaintance, a kind word, an affectionate touch, a simple gift. This is the relationship that is closest to ideal, and not just the stage of fascination as most, if not all, romantic movies and dramas would have you believe. Millions of people fall into this trap, when they find that their feelings have changed without understanding the reason and the result is the destruction of a wonderful relationship, without knowing that this change is part of the natural relationship and even an indication of its health and maturity. Flirting, romance, attraction, staying up late, and long, enjoyable, tireless conversations during the “fascination stage” are normal, because you do not see any flaws, and this is not considered love. As for true love, it means successfully passing through all the stages of a relationship, because this means that you knew a person, realized his faults, and remained determined to live with him despite everything. Download the Hakini application on Google Play or the App Store to obtain psychological advice or obtain self-help exercises.