RE: Why I am not a Christian - An autobiographical tale
I read all your story with a lot of interest, and I have to say, I'm sorry that it ended up that way for you.
See, I was born in a Catholic family (not even a normal Catholic family, my parents are Neocathecumenal) and I was taught a very long series of principles and truths since I was very young. In a way, I can relate to you, your questions, the lack of answers to those questions. At some point, I had to say "enough", too. I had to see what else was there. And that, I guess, is where our stories split up: if God made us free, a good Christian should not take away that freedom from you. That's the way my parents see it, and that's why they've always loved and respected me no matter what I chose to do with my life and my beliefs. This eventually led to my second attempt at understanding their world, once I was older, which also failed after a couple of years. Still, my parents are there for me.
I think that you've met a lot of the black-or-white, bigot, head-in-the-sand kind of Christians. They are probably the majority, but they're not actual Christians (as much as they think they are, in they own self-righteous way) , they are people who defend themselves behind the idea of a frightful God in order to live their life in a rigid way without having to think for themselves. People who'd rather have a law in their heart rather then approach the world with questions and curiosity. People who often take some verse of the gospel as a weapon to judge the masses, forgetting a number of other things that are written in that same book, and often not even understanding the meaning of the verses they preach. The kind of people who tend to keep you away from religions in general because you don't really want to end up like them. Well, that's not really what God is about, and keep in mind that I ended up being an Atheist either way, so I'm not really saying this for the sake of some belief I keep in my heart. The path of God is indeed a path of understanding, both yourself and the world around you. It is an interesting path.
I found out that I was not wired for such a path. We're like Linux and Windows, me and religion. I work on a different set of parameters, it's nobody's fault, really. I tried exploring it, I tried digging a bit, and I still don't really get it. It was unhealthy to me, trying to become something I am not. Still, I respect those who actually reach God in their own hearts and understand what it's really about, which, again, is not having a judgement constantly pending on your head. That's not to say that I haven't seen hypocrisy or contradiction, I just found plenty of people who were able and willing to answer my questions.
Now, I apologize if my comment ended up being so long and complicated, keep in mind English is not my native language so I might have made your day a bit harder, here. I didn't really mean to intrude, I just liked your experience and it drove me to share mine. One of these days I should take courage and start writing posts of my own, I guess :)
Thanks for reading and for your thoughtful comment! I had not heard of Neocathecumenal Catholicism before.
It would have been nice if my father and I could have reached a better understanding at the time, but looking back, I can see the reasons why that was so hard and unlikely. As I mentioned in another comment here, my father saw me going down a path that would send me to Hell forever. He was understandably pained and devastated by this.
About a year later than where this post ends, in fact, I was inspired by a book I had read to make my rebellion complete. I sat my father down, gave a long speech, and said I would no longer be going to church every Sunday. But rather than anger, my father was only silent. And then he wept. It was a more shocking and unsettling reaction at the time than the previous anger.
About Neocats (they hate being called such, but it's fun): technically they're just Catholics, as much as a lot of people see them as a sect of some sort, and they're in accordance with the Church of Rome. Consider them a group of people who are engaged in a very serious and involving way of living their religion, inspiring themselves to the first Christian communities (pretty much the ones Saint Paul wrote to, and I'm simplifying a lot here, but that should give you the idea). Keep in mind that I write about Religion from the point of view of an Italian living in Rome, so there's that. I don't really feel the conflict around me between different fringes of the same thing.
But I have to say, back when I still was trying to get into it, I saw their point. Your religion can't just be about you and God, other people should be involved. If Jesus says "Love thy neighbor" you should really see and feel what it means. Getting inside a church on Sundays and making "peace" with people you'll probably not even see again before the following Sunday doesn't make much sense. Love, forgiveness, absence of prejudice, tolerance, reciprocal understanding...these values can only be ever practiced when you have a battleground of sorts, when you're put together with people you get to know in time, no matter how different from you, and you grow with them. That's basically what I think we humans should do anyway, regardless of our faith in a powerful being.
That said, thanks for pointing out the rest of your experience. I feel that your experience is closer to mine, then, since I'm perfectly aware that my choices, as free and unhindered as they've been, have caused pain in my family. But I'm glad to see that, rather than taking the easy way and just ignoring them, you choose to see their point of view about salvation and sin, it is a very mature way of seeing it, one that most people I know just can't seem to accept.
I really liked this post, it is always good to read people's experiences written in such a spontaneous way. I usually avoid this topic altogether with my peers, mainly because I soon found out that it's all black or white to people outside of the church, too. I find myself in the middle, all the time.
I agree. Especially since God's number one commandment is - broken down to the basics - save as many souls as you can. It's a religious person's only real function/mission/duty - save souls. As much as I do not want Christians trying to persuade me to hop into their faith perspective, in order to be a good Christian - or really a Christian in any sense of the word - they must make the attempt. By not attempting, it's like you're standing next to a lake and watching a child drown without making any effort at rescue. (A burning lake!)
I guess for me it's still fairly black and white. Only, I try to see from the black perspective and from the white perspective when I can. :)