Great prose and sentence structure. Good flow.

Personally there are a few superficial, cosmetic changes I would make, but you're writing is strong.

If you're interested, there's a group you can join called the Writer's Block that really helps out new users on Steemit. They've been absolutely wonderful to me.

If you wanna check it out, here's the link: http://www.mspfictionworkshop.com/how-to-join-the-workshop/

Will be following your work! :D