📌 Is your dance story funnier than mine? (Original wildlife photos and thoughts)

Do you have two left feet?

If you are anything like me, I bet you can not help admiring some wonderfully coordinated people while you try to walk in your living room - trying not to trip and fall down!

I think I was sound asleep on the back bench when God handed out grace, coordination and poise to people! I flap around like an awkward duckling trying to take a wash when I try to 'dance'.

Imagine my wonder when I saw this troupe of swans striking a perfect dance pose. The lead white swan making like he is belting out a foot tapping number and the other two, wearing black livery, are bobbing their heads! Doesn't that remind you of the famous trio of dancers - I will show you in a minute which one but before that, here are the Swans in Hi-res. (Photo taken by me in Helsingor Castle in Denmark last year)

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Now, on to what this reminds me of - It reminds me of the dance trio Destiny's child:

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Seeing these and countless other people dance with effortless ease, I too felt the urge to dance. Gifted that I am in the coordination and dance department, my early attempts at dancing resulted in people giving up their own dance routines to watch me and giggle! All the potential future Mrs. Wild Spirits were very very amused by my performances! I was no 'boyfriend material' - they declared.

Not to be outdone, I braced myself up with positive thoughts (like those TV gurus advise us). "You just need to know, where to put your feet when, and position your arms...", " All dance routines are like 1-2-1-4 . . how hard can it be for an engineer?". My brain gallops like a choo-choo train on full steam when I get in this 'self motivation' mode.

So - gritting my teeth, I started the way any Engineer worth his salt does. With data collection and research. I was determined to arrive at the dance school as a master, well versed with the theories of dance. Practicals were to be a mere follow through! Easily done!

I found that dance patterns were laid out and classic dances all came down to a sequence of steps... I collected a ton of papers about dance steps.

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I started studying them in detail. I even tried laying patterns of foot prints on the living room floor to try and practice following them. However, all that I ended up achieving (other than a soiled carpet) was getting proficient at 'hop-skip and jump!!)

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In my infinite enthusiasm for collecting 'that simple dance pattern' which would make me a 'dancing star', I even ended up collecting this pattern:

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I collected the pattern - only to realize later that these happy feet were performing a different kind of 'dance', which involved a bed... LOL

My next step in my quest for learning dance, was - joining a dance academy! The academy almost 'guaranteed' making you a proficient dancer. The teacher was a well known ex-choreographer at international level.

I must have stepped on about 2303 toes in the first one week! Including the toes of my teacher - twice!!

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Needless to say - I was deemed a 'hazardous dancer' and booted out of the academy. I was told I had taken my last dance step!

Who needs to be taught - said I, undaunted. I am an Indian by birth and dance must be in my blood, I reasoned !

You only need to watch a couple of Bollywood movies to understand that all Indians can break into spontaneous and choreographed dance in any setting from a shower room to a funeral home! The hero-heroine and a million others swing their hips, make pelvic thrusts, go all bendy with their arms and feet and nod their heads - all to the tune of an infectious song number that goes something like tararalllaaaalaaa - boing chick - toingggg.... or something like that. Forgive my imperfect rendering - it has been a few decades since I saw all that last. Here is a picture of some such scene to refresh my memory and for your understanding:

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I fail to understand the telepathy that exists in the lead pair and the seemingly innocent worker bees - going about their business in the street, that makes everyone dance like synchronized robots. Where are the boom boxes hidden that blare out the music anyway?

So - after a couple of futile attempts in the street, to get all the Tom, Dick and Harry's to gyrate to the moves I was leading with, I gave up on that angle on dancing. The experiment almost ended in my being carted off to the nearest hospital that caters to the mentally challenged...

After these disastrous outcomes, you would think I learnt my lesson (not dance!) and forget about the whole 'dancing my way into a damsel's heart' theme of romance. Oh no - I am not so easily beaten!

I must let my spirit express my joy of living, through my body - said I (where on earth do I come up with such winners!!!). Dance moves will automatically happen if my inner spirit is bubbling with joy and dancing. So - I made myself think happy thoughts, went to my happy place ( no - not the one I go to every morning !!) and let my Wild spirit express itself to fullest at the very next party I attended. Here is what I looked like:

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Some people clapped politely - that is the worst insult you can get - isn't it?

So - I gave up on my attempt to dance. I resigned myself to looking like Mr. Bean dancing. I was convinced that I will meet my Mrs. Wild Spirit by some happy coincidence when the universe decides that we needed to meet!

In conclusion: DO NOT try to impress girls with dance unless you have been cloned from John Travolta's genes. Even if you do pick up the basic dance moves, girls are going to expect you to be superman - who can lift them up over his head, twirl them around like they are Beyblades, bench press their body weights and NOT step on their toes while he does all that. This means, they expect you to be a nuclear scientist in dance when you are about to pass Kindergarten. Just awesome!!

Think your dance story is funnier than mine Steemians? Please share your great experience in comments. Thanks

Note: All images except for the wildlife photos and the title image created by me are from pixabay.com unless specific sources are mentioned.