it wasn't a nightmare

Warning: Mention of self-harm/suicide. I do not find joy in either of this, it's a serious matter. So please don't read it if you're not okay with it. You matter more.

The sound of the piano playing fills the air in Tasha and Jade's apartment. Beethoven’s famous piece, Moonlight Sonata had always been Tasha's favourite piece by the famous pianist and along the way, she had shown her interest in classical music to her then friend Jade to whom she now have the opportunity to call her girlfriend.

She crunch down on the floor, cleaning up the mess she had made by trying to cook pancakes for her girlfriend but she ended up spilling the bowl of pancake mix. "Why can't I just make food without anything going wrong?" Tasha mumbles standing up from the now spotless floor.

The box of pancake mix accidentally falls when she stands up to place the bowl, resulting to another mess on the counter top and floor. She lets out a groan feeling annoyed that she have to clean up the floor again and the counter top as well.

After cleaning up the place for the second time, she has given up trying to make pancakes today seeing as it isn't her lucky day. There were many obstacles that made her attempts to cook the pancakes unsuccessful. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, at least not today.

Tasha came to a last resolution to make something else for her girlfriend which is toast. It's the easiest, popping the bread in the toaster and waiting for it to pop back up then applying butter is all it takes so that wouldn't been a trouble. She couldn't mess that up. The girl smiles to herself as she start preparing everything she needed to make the toast.

Splashing sound could be heard from the other side of the apartment which is coming from the bathroom. Jade had gotten into the shower about five minutes ago. Tasha wanted to use that time for good and that's when the idea of making breakfast for her girlfriend came to mind.

Minutes pass by and Tasha is almost done with making breakfast. Placing the plate with toast on the table accompanied with a hot cup of coffee, she wiggles her fingers excitedly at her creation. A proud smile is plastered on her lips as she inspect the food she made for her girlfriend. Looking at the white clock on the wall, it took her fifteen minutes to make her girlfriend breakfast so Jade was probably already out of the bathroom.

Tasha walks out of the kitchen to make her way into the room. Her mind keeps going back to her girlfriend. The smile that she has always loved will be on her beautiful plump lips and her eyes, the bright emerald eyes she had fall for will be so bright, so full of life. Every little gesture the younger girl had ever done for her girlfriend, she sees how it affect her, how excited and happy she gets, even if it was a simple card that Tasha had gotten from the grocery store that has cheesing words written on it with the added jokes by Tasha which wasn't as funny as she thinks it is but it always makes Jade laugh.

She walks in the room and sees that it was empty so her second guess was that her girlfriend is still in the bathroom. Tasha picks up the shirt that was left on the ground to throw it back on the bed instead of leaving it on the floor. She push the door to the bathroom open and sees her girlfriend in the bathtub with her back facing the door. The pale skin stands out in the bathroom with her black hair pushed to the side of her shoulder.

"Hi Jade..." Tasha skips in the bathroom nearly slipping but she was lucky enough to have held the door to prevent herself from falling. It wasn't the first time this had happened, she had fell two times before this which ended up leaving her with bruises on her knees and arms. The girl bends down on the tile bathroom floor then place her elbow on the ends of the bathtub with her palms beneath her head. Her eyes dreamily staring at her girlfriend.

The younger girl hums to the fading sound of the piano playing gracefully from her laptop in the hall. She drums her fingers lightly to the sound of the piano. Her mind drifting of to the first time they had listen to the same song together. It was the first time they had kiss, on a balcony of a home that belongs to a guy they barely know. Everyone was partying downstairs while they were exploring more of each other in words, touch and kisses.

Tasha brushes Jade's hair that's falling down her face to the side, "I love you" She says leaning in closer to her girlfriend. Her lips touch the side of Jade's head in a soft loving kiss.

The older girls head turns to the side falling, almost as if she had no backbone to prevent herself from moving so sloppily. Her mouth was parted, there was white foaming substance leaving the side of her mouth. Tasha held in her breath, quickly getting a hold of her girlfriend's head. "Jade? Babe?" She hurriedly snakes her arm in the lukewarm water in the bathroom then lift her girlfriend out of the bathtub. She sits on the ground with her girlfriend on her laps. Her eyes filling with tears, her heart is tightening and it was becoming difficult for her to breath.

"Jade? Wake up please" She chokes out. Her hand touching her girlfriend cheek, tapping softly. Her eyes fell on the limp arm, dark red liquid dripping down her girlfriend's long fingers. The inner part of Jade's arm is marked with lines, deep enough for the blood to flow out.

Tasha tries pulling her arm closer, trying to wake her up. Her cries of help echos in the bathroom. "Jade...." She closes her eyes counting to three before opening them again in hopes that what she found wasn't real, it was just a nightmare.

It wasn't a nightmare.

Jade lifeless body is there. Her pale skin is paler than usual like all the color in her has drawn out. Her black dark hair is falling to the side. Her dry lips parted. Her eyes closed with tear stains on her cheeks. Her body felt light in Tasha's hold. No voices, no breathing, nothing to tell her that this is a nightmare.

"Please don't leave me" She clutches her girlfriend close to her, rocking from the front to back. She breaths in and out heavily, her thoughts were filled with questions and her heart is aching. It seem endless, cries of help, words of love, nothing made a diffeJadet. It was still Tasha with Jade's lifeless body.

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i had written this long ago, it was based off a dream I had during examination time. i was overthinking, just bad things. this was kind of a wake up call during that time. I dont know but it really affected me to think that what if what I do will end up killing someone. I can't lose someone I love. Everything can easily be gone for me, I can put an end to my chapter but not the chapters I've written with others, that chapters will be left unfinished and empty. I can lost all of me but the other parts of me which is with others, it won't be gone. There's so much running in my head, it's confusing and scary.

Thank you for reading. I am sorry for this being just sad. Take care.